In The Wine Press

Counsel

2010-09-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

We are always asked to seek counsel from Jesus in all of our dealings with others. Given the difficult climate we are all living in, there can be many obstacles to overcome that require that unique wisdom available to us in Jesus. We just have to ask. I was journaling on the following verse in June of this year. This counsel did have something to do with a particular individual that I was feeling very intimidated by given their seemingly fragile and wounded exterior, but coming up against a very powerful inner darkness. It also refers to my tendencies in the past to be a fixer.

1Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you might announce the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

My daughter, my love. The truth is a powerful weapon against evil. You were called out of the darkness of lies, shame, and sin into the light of truth. I have called you to share this light with others who are living in darkness. You are discovering that it is not always pleasurable-not soothing and mild to the senses. To confront evil, to penetrate darkness- a certain violence must be used- not physical violence, but a shaking of the complacency that sets in when one is living in darkness. To one who is always in darkness, light can be shocking and offensive. You were taught to never upset anyone. You were taught to ignore truth to keep a false peace-this is the source of your confusion-you cannot mix darkness and light. They are incompatible. Darkness cannot "announce the praises of him who called you out of darkness"....

I need your cooperation child....many souls are at stake. If you are announcing my praises, I will defend you-all of heaven will defend you. If you are fighting for my cause, the salvation of a soul, I will be fighting with you. Child, this is war. Battle. It cannot always be done painlessly and cleanly-perfectly. There will be casualties. Feelings will be hurt-especially when one lives in darkness and shame. I can use that however, to gain entrance to a soul. To constantly protect one from truth is only creating more darkness. You have lived this-you now know the damage that occurs when you falsely build up one in darkness-you make the darkness more powerful. To add falseness to the darkness creates a very powerful stronghold. (This refers to my "people pleasing" tendencies and desire to keep people taken care of and happy, regardless.)

This world is so full of sin and darkness! If you could only see! I need to be present to my people. My people need to hear the truth! I never commanded timidness-this is the work of the devil. He knows full well that timidness, cowardice and false toleration of sin in the name of "love" cannot penetrate his hold. So many are being deceived-so many! Even my priests! There can be no relationship between darkness and light. No compromise. You must choose your side now and use every means I have given you to fortify yourselves, strengthen yourselves- in LIGHT AND TRUTH. Do not "make nice" with darkness, you will be drawn in and find yourself lost. Be strong child-cling to me-we will fight together-you and I. Let us claim many souls for the glory of the Father! Be steadfast-always stay in me. I love you and need you. Please do not back away from me, do not hide yourself, do not cower- be strong! Jesus

My mother is watching closely, go to her always.

Interpreting the Present Time

2010-08-15T10:16:00.004-04:00

When you see a cloud rising in the west you say immediately that it is going to rain—and so it does; and when you notice that the wind is blowing from the south you say that it is going to be hot–and so it is. You hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky; why do you not know how to interpret the present time? (Luke 12:54-56)

I haven't pulled these together to instill fear. It is how we are to interpret the present time. They should motivate us to drop our pride and seek reconciliation with the Father....see the previous posts on Divine Mercy. Time is very short, and we need to hustle!

Be careful, then: the promise of reaching the place of rest he had for them still holds good, and none of you must think that he has come too late for it. Hebrews 4:1

From the LaSalette Journey Blog, posted on:

http://lasalettejourney.blogspot.com/
Thursday, August 12, 2010 "You will know the hour of weakness and of poverty.."

"Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophetic utterances. Test everything; retain what is good. Refrain from every kind of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5: 19-22).

Our Lady to Fr. Stephano Gobbi- November 15, 1990
"I announce to you that the hour of the great trial is on the point of arriving. The great trial has arrived for your country. How many times, as a concerned and sorrowing mother, have I endeavored to urge my children to follow the path of conversion and of return to the Lord. I have not been listened to. You have continued to walk along the way of rejection of God, and of His law of love. Sins of impurity have become ever more widespread, and immorality has spread like a sea which has submerged all things.

Homosexuality, a sin of impurity which is against nature, has been justified; recourse to the means of preventing life have become commonplace, while abortions - these killings of innocent children, that cry for vengeance before the face of God - have spread and are performed in every part of your homeland.The moment of divine justice and of great mercy has now arrived.

You will know the hour of weakness and of poverty; the hour of suffering and defeat; the purifying hour of the great chastisement. The great trial has arrived for your Church. How great is your responsibility, O Pastors of the Holy Church of God! You continue along the path of division from the Pope and of the rejection of his Magisterium; indeed, in a hidden way, there is in preparation a true schism which could soon become open and proclaimed...And then, there will remain only a small faithful remnant, over which I will keep watch in the garden of my Immaculate Heart.The great trial has arrived for all humanity. The chastisement, predicted by me at Fatima and contained in that part of the secret which has not yet been revealed, is about to take place. The great moment of divine justice and of mercy has come upon the world."

August 11, 2010 posted on Pelianito Journal Blog:

http://pelianito.stblogs.com/

Zechariah 9: 3-4 Tyre built herself a stronghold, and heaped up silver like dust, and gold like the mire of the streets. Lo, the LORD will strip her of her possessions, and smite her power on the sea, and she shall be devoured by fire.

“My beloved, the time has come. The mighty will fall into a trap they have, themselves, set. They set the trap to amass wealth and power for themselves, but the blood of the innocent has reached unheard-of depths. Their blood cries to heaven and I am not deaf to it. On the contrary—I have been extraordinarily patient with this generation, but their hardness of heart will be the cause of their own downfall. I have prepared a glorious place for those whose cries have torn my heart, especially those most innocent. Child, what will come will be unprecedented. What you have seen is just the precursor.”
BVM: “Place your trust in me, my children! My Son is ready to strike down the mighty, and the battle will be fierce. Pray my children! I am with you and I love you!

From Petals From Heaven on August 11, 2010

http://petalsfromheaven.com/recent2.htm

MY DEAR DEAR PRECIOUS LITTLE CHILDREN,

How is it that you find yourselves praying here, praying with the Mother of God? I ask it that you consider how blessed you are to be a part of God's plan. How blessed you are that your faith is unshakable.
How blessed you are to be given such grace as to nourish you in every way that you persevere. Oh, my dear children, do not take lightly this role you share in the help and salvation of man. As you pray you find peace and this comes from Jesus through my heart. Each prayer is counted and given over for the death of all evil. Your sacrifices and offerings bring strength and courage to the soul. Do you see, do you understand? Oh my loves, my loves, the world does not know you but all of heaven does. You are under the protection not only of this Mother but all of heaven. Take each day with all that comes, but Trust, Trust, Trust. God has never, never relinquished His power, but has held back that man will come to him out of love. But now, now dear children, the power of God will be known by all mankind and no one will be able to deny Him. Whether they accept Him or not shall be their choice, but no one will be able to deny Him.

I give now my blessing in the name of the Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.The Blessing of Christ is yours as well. Give your hearts in Praise and Thanksgiving now and forever.

The Ten Virgins

2010-08-14T12:03:00.191-04:00

This painting by Hieronymus Francken the Younger (c. 1616)

The parable of the Ten Virgins came to my mind strongly this morning. It has actually been on my mind for four years, but this morning during prayer it came back with enthusiasm! I felt it tied in with the previous message....preparing and filling the spiritual grain bins.

Matthew Chapter 25 1-13

"Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps, brought no oil with them, but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, there was a cry, 'Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!' Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' But the wise ones replied, 'No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.' While they went off to buy it, the bridegroom came and those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked. Afterward the other virgins came and said, 'Lord, Lord, open the door for us!' But he said in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.' Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.

I love the picture depicting this parable. Click on it and look very closely at the detail. Although it was painted in 1616, it's still timeless in it's depiction of those that grow bored and distracted with waiting on Christ. I think this is what Jesus wanted me to see this morning, and to share with you. He is asking us to seriously consider where we are in this picture.

I think it is important to note that the messages that are received are not proclaiming the Second Coming of Christ....they are words of warning to prepare for the arrival of God's Justice. We are now living in a time of great Mercy and by that Mercy are being prepared to enter the time of Justice. God is being very gracious to His stiff necked children right now by allowing this unprecedented time of Mercy. It would be prideful of us not to take advantage of this tremendous gift. What God is asking is very simple. He is asking that we turn away from our sin and rebellion and turn back to Him. That we accept the Mercy being offered through Christ for our own good and be reconciled with God the Father.

Words of Jesus to St. Faustina

Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write:

Before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice.

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In the Old Covenant I sent prophets wielding thunderbolts to My people. Today I am sending you with My mercy to the people of the whole world. I do not want to punish aching mankind, but I desire to heal it, pressing it to My Merciful Heart. I use punishment when they themselves force Me to do so; My hand is reluctant to take hold of the sword of justice. Before the Day of Justice I am sending the Day of Mercy.
(Diary, 1588 To Saint Faustina, we owe the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. She received it from Jesus September 13,1935.)

In the upper right corner is the image of Divine Mercy. Click on it to learn to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, which is prayed on ordinary rosary beads. It has been quoted by Jesus in his messages to St. Faustina that if a person prays this Chaplet only once...unfathomable graces will be poured out upon them. This would be one way to quickly fill your lamp! Don't waste the opportunity!

Night of Sorrows

2010-08-12T08:38:00.002-04:00

I am re-posting the message my daughter received in prayer on July 16, 2010 here. For your discernment.

Friday, July 16

"The world will soon be drowned in a huge vale of tears as the Night of Sorrows nears. Three months before the trials begin. Three months you have to prepare, pray and fast to store up your spiritual grain bins. How I weep for the world so drowned in sin, and excuses, and emptiness. Offer up every ounce of suffering united to the sufferings of Christ's Passion. Do not let any go to waste. Three months to tell your family and warn others. Please don't let this time go to waste, children. The Great Sufferings and Tribulations will soon begin. If God begins with His Household, how then will it end for those who are godless? Offer up every Mass in reparation for sins and for the conversion of sinners everywhere. "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, weep for yourselves and for your children." Hold fast to the Eucharist, your only strength, and the only True Light in the Darkness. Do not be swayed by false teachings. Hold fast to the Gospels of Truth and Light. Please pray, fast, and do penance. Offer to God everything, and He will take it and multiply it to feed thousands. Mercy is ending. The blood of the innocent shall now fall to the ground and cry out to God the Father for vengeance and justice. Three months. Three New Moons."

We prayed for confirmation of this message. If you look up the New Moons for September and October, they coincide with Marian Feast Days. August is actually the month of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. The other New Moon days are the Nativity of Mary and the Feast of the Most Holy Rosary. The "New Moon" term has never been used in the messages she has received, so it caught our attention. We believe this is a confirmation of the message. Always for your discernment, however.

Some Pearls of Wisdom

2010-07-30T17:19:00.000-04:00

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Some wonderful pearls of wisdom from Terry Modica at Good News Ministries!! I'm posting it here because this "Sin of Being Too Nice" seems to be an epidemic in the Church.

Good News Reflection
Friday of the Ninth Week of Ordinary Time
June 4, 2010
Today's Readings:
2 Tim 3:10-17
Ps 119:157,160-161,165-166,168
Mark 12:35-37
http://www.usccb.org/nab/060410.shtml
USCCB Podcast of the Readings:
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/10_06_04.mp3
The sin of being too nice
Today's first reading warns that all who live religiously in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. Is anyone damaging your reputation, rejecting you, or abandoning you because you're standing up for biblical truth and Christian virtue? If you have not yet been persecuted, you've not followed Christ very far.
Following Jesus religiously means going all the way to the cross. Along the way we meet disbelieving Pharisees and others who don't want to hear the truth.
It IS possible to have an easy life as a Christian. We can successfully work hard at being so nice that we're liked by everyone all the time. We can avoid controversial issues. We can love others by only affirming them, never challenging them to new growth or a better understanding of healthy, holy living. We can go so far as to pray that God will lead the sinners we know to repentance, hoping that he'll do all the work. But none of this is true Christian living.
Scripture calls this type of Christian a "charlatan". It's a fake Christianity. It's certainly not a description of Jesus! Such people are deceived – they deceive themselves into thinking that they are okay, because Jesus loves them and will take them to heaven when their time of being nice on earth is finished, and for them, that's all that matters.
The problem with this is that it's very selfish. It shows a lack of concern for the condition of the souls of others. It's self-protective, guarding the comfort of an easy life, keeping it non-confrontational, avoiding persecution, sustaining the illusion that there is no real need to do otherwise – very likely at the cost of justice, love, and even the salvation of others.
If being Christian means being only nice, why do we need the Bible? St. Paul says, "All scripture is inspired by God for teaching, refutation and correction, and for training in righteousness." Oh-oh! It's not nice to refute lies and misconceptions. Nor is it easy to successfully give correction.
Sometimes, we are called to quietly smile and show love by our niceness; when we're with someone who is not ready to hear the truth, we can do more harm than good by forcing it upon them. At other times, we are called to show our love by speaking up about the truth, even if it stirs up trouble.
How do we know when to be quiet and when to speak up? Only by listening to the Holy Spirit and paying attention to the nudges and inspirations that come from the Lord.
What's the value of being a Christian if we don't care enough about others to tell them the difficult truths that will bring them closer to Christ? What's the value of following Christ if we don't stand up for the truth and go all the way to the cross with him for the sake of their eternal happiness?'

To sign up to receive the Good News Reflections by email, go to

http://gogoodnews.net/DailyReflections

Very Helpful Books

2010-05-01T09:08:00.001-04:00

I just finished two books that I highly recommend!! They are "Unbound" and "Resisting the Devil-A Catholic Perspective on Deliverance" by Neal Lozano. They were excellent, very helpful, easy reads....full of spiritual insight, help for yourself and for others.

Here's what the back of Resisting the Devil says:

Find Your Way to Spiritual Freedom

Do you find yourself struggling with a particular sin or dysfunction over and over again?
Do you feel hopeless in finding freedom despite your best efforts?
Do you still feel guilty, ashamed, and doomed to repeat a besetting sin, even after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation?

In Resisting the Devil, author Neal Lozano shows that sometimes evil spirits tell us lies that lock us into sins and personal problems. He explains the practice of deliverance, a way of dealing with such demonic influences that is supported by the teaching and tradition of the Catholic Church. Lozano's "Unbound" Model, based on thirty years of experience in deliverance ministry, builds a bridge between the sacrament of Reconciliation and exorcism. People only very rarely need exorcism.

He also has a website if you want to investigate further: www.heartofthefather.com

The first book he wrote was Unbound...it is best to read that one first. You won't be disappointed! It was money well spent!

The Gifts of the Holy Spirit

2010-04-30T10:15:00.002-04:00

The Gifts of the Holy Spirit. Gifts!! These gifts, operating within us, are essential for a strong faith! I think there is a lack of understanding and knowledge of the Holy Spirit in the Church today. He doesn't appear to be operating amongst the Body of Christ.

John 16: 1-15

"I have told you this so that you may not fall away. They will expel you from the synagogues; in fact, the hour is coming when everyone who kills you will think he is offering worship to God. They will do this because they have not known either the Father or me. I have told you this so that when their hour comes you may remember that I told you. I did not tell you this from the beginning, because I was with you. But now I am going to the one who sent me, and not one of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' But because I told you this, grief has filled your hearts. But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.
And when he comes he will convict the world in regard to sin and righteousness and condemnation: sin, because they do not believe in me; righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will no longer see me; condemnation, because the ruler of this world has been condemned.
"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.
But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming. He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you. Everything that the Father has is mine; for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine and declare it to you."

Most of us know the Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity. That's about the extent of our knowledge of Him. He seems to be the "forgotten". Maybe we just take Him for granted? It never really occurred to me to pray to the Holy Spirit, call upon the Holy Spirit, praise the Holy Spirit. If He is going to guide us to all truth and declare to us the things that are coming, we should probably get to know Him better! Just as we develop a relationship with God as our Father, Jesus as our Savior and brother, the Holy Spirit also requires our cooperation in developing a relationship with Him.

I take the following from the book "Empowerment of the Holy Spirit" by Intercessors of the Lamb. It is a very beautiful and understandable explanation of the Spirit and how He works in our lives. If you want to know more, I would suggest buying the book from their website.

"The primary mission of the Holy Spirit is to reproduce Jesus within us. He wants to trace the living image of Jesus in our hearts. This is our inheritance: for Jesus to become alive in us which can only be done through the Holy Spirit."

"When the Holy Spirit comes, He brings special graces called the Gifts of the Holy Spirit."

The Gifts:

Fear of the Lord: It is a deep fear and horror of sin. It is a hatred of doing anything as a son, daughter, or child of god to displease Him. One of the fruits that fear of the Lord will begin to produce within us is detachment and a genuine spirit of poverty, that beautiful spirit of childhood where we become very dependent on God.

Fortitude: This gift is necessary in our everyday life because we all have obstacles, no matter what our lives are like or what our vocations are. There will be difficulties, struggles, and constant purification. There will constantly be God's will and my will and the struggle that ensues. As fortitude starts to operate within us, it will start to give us tremendous strength because this gift is the very strength of the Spirit Himself.

Piety: The gift of Piety is the Gift of the Father Himself, the Spirit of the Father Himself. We have a relationship with God, and a trust and confidence in Him. We start to understand the family dimension of God and become aware that we are all "Fathered" by the same Father, and we begin to experience other Christians as brothers and sisters.

Counsel: The gift of counsel comes out of the heart, but will enlighten our mind. The Spirit is directing, guiding, and counseling us as to the right thing to do in every circumstance if we are aware of Him and His direction.

Knowledge: It is pure gift and it comes out of intuition. It is the knowledge of holy things and creation. Intercessors need this gift of knowledge to learn God's ways and His plan.

Understanding: The gift of understanding reveals hidden things. When understanding is operating, all of a sudden we start to see truth; we begin to understand the deeper meaning of things. We start to understand human events from God's point of view.

Wisdom: The gift of Wisdom makes us friends with God. It is when we are friends with God and are one with His will and are in total peace ourselves. Wisdom is putting on the Lord Jesus Christ.

All of these gifts were given to us at our Baptism in seed form. Those that are baptized then have the foundation already in their hearts. Through prayer, the Sacraments, and learning about these gifts, they will surely grow and our faith will begin to become more alive!

Pentecost is May 23! This is when the Church celebrates the coming of the Holy Spirit after the resurrection of Jesus. Open your hearts to this great gift this year! Ask God to increase these gifts in your heart so that we may all become like the Apostles and boldly proclaim the gospel of Christ!

2010-04-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

Children, you are still not listening. The voice of your Savior cries out, and yet you still do not listen. Is it that you do not know my voice? Has the weight of your worldliness caused deafness? Are you afraid of My voice? The voice of Love?

I have given you every means to come to Me. What is keeping you from embracing the gifts being offered? Ponder this children, and quickly. Nothing is more important than this. You will never regret time spent pondering My Love. You will, however, regret time wasted in rejecting Me. I love you.

Jesus, Remember Me

2010-03-28T08:57:00.000-04:00

Children, you are beginning Holy Week, the most holy week of the year. Mercy has never been so abundant as it is right now. Please, ask Me for it. Ask Me to pour out my mercy upon you and I will do it. I cry out in love to all that will hear....Repent of your sinfulness! Repent of rejecting my love for you! Accept My Sacrifice...Let it not be for naught! There is no sin that is so great that cannot be forgiven. Please, ask Me. Do not hide in your shame. Do not attempt to protect yourself with false bravado...with pride. It is unnecessary. I see your heart and everything in it, yet I still love you, still cry out for you! Would I call to you if there were no hope of forgiveness for you? Would I persist in begging you to accept my mercy if there were none to be had? Would I continue to bend to earth, searching for hearts in need of My love and mercy if I were going to reject you? Children, the thief was promised Paradise at the last moment because of his acceptance of My love and mercy....my sacrifice. Won't you please do the same?

Come and Walk With Me

2010-03-07T08:57:00.006-05:00

Children, what have I done that causes you to fear me so? Why is it so difficult to embrace me, He who is true love? Your minds and hearts have been poisoned against me by the spirit of this world. You know who the prince of this world is, do you not? It is satan himself. He who was thrown from heaven like a bolt of lightning...hurled to earth in shame and humiliation for opposing the love of the Father. Why do you serve him? What does he provide for you that I do not? I hear very often that it is difficult to believe in me because you cannot see me. You cannot see him either, yet find it preferable to serve him. I hear very often that I am to blame for your suffering...I who am all Love am to blame for your suffering? Sin is to blame for suffering. I came to take away sin...the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! Why do you not harbor anger towards satan, who is the author of sin? Children, you are being deceived. It is time to wake up. It is time to cast off the shroud of darkness that keeps you from trusting and loving Me. I cannot violate your free will...if you choose to remain in darkness, I will honor that . Keep in mind that it is not I that am very far from you, but you, who in your obstinate free will keep yourselves from Me. Your misery will only increase in proportion to your rejection of Me. The farther you travel from Me, the more lonely and desolate your life will become. You will not be able to find your way in the darkness that you choose without light. Drop your foolish pride now, take my yoke, which is light and sweet....walk with Me. I love you, I forgive you. Come and walk with me in light!

Mercy and Opinions

2010-02-09T23:37:00.063-05:00

Another excerpt from my prayer journal during March of 2009. God is so good, to give us understanding when we ask, to teach, to love. He is a good and loving Father! He even puts up with my sarcasm, which tends to bleed through occasionally.

We were asked to journal on John 5:41-47 in our prayer group.

As for human approval, this means nothing to me. Besides, I know you too well; you have no love of God in you. I have come in the name of my Father and you refuse to accept me. If someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him.

How can you believe, since you look to one another for approval and are not concerned with the approval that comes from the one God?

I praise you and thank you Lord. All glory and praise to You! I praise you Holy Spirit, giver of all love and gifts from God! I am very guilty of this. I have lived my whole life out of the opinions of others. Have mercy on me. I am sorry. It is a bondage to say the least, a horrible bondage to live this way. I still suffer from the perceived opinions of others. Why? Self love, and because you say we have to love everyone, even those that have hurt us deeply. We are all supposed to get along. We aren't supposed to judge, we're supposed to be peacemakers. We're supposed to turn the other cheek. We aren't supposed to judge anything...we're supposed to be kind and gentle. We are supposed to overlook every fault, no matter how grave. We're supposed to tolerate all sin and have compassion on evil. We have to tolerate blasphemy because it's freedom of speech. In order to live this way, to never hurt another soul-we become slaves to them. We have to worry about their opinions because we are their slaves, we must be pleasing to them. To upset others and lose their good opinion would mean we were bad, un-Christian. It would upset the "peace." Truth does not matter, because truth hurts people and that is not love. Even though I know the truth, it can't be a part of it because it's bad and gets people upset and angry, so I have to hide it to be meek and humble. Humility is being used here to protect self. Granted Lord, we are miserable-playing these roles and allowing the opinion of others to be our gods-but isn't that what being a Christian means? It does in this day. Peace at all costs. We don't know You, we don't see You, we don't depend on You for our happiness. Our happiness is supposed to be derived from being pleasing to others. We are so miserable, but you understand because it's what You asked of us, right?

Father, what has happened and what have we become? Have mercy! Justice sets things in order-we need You!

Dear Child of Mine,

Your sarcasm speaks much truth about the state of the world today. I see what has happened to my children. As your Father, I will set things in order. What is needed is love-love rooted in truth.

Many are presuming upon My mercy at this time. Woe to those who presume upon it to save them from speaking truth! My mercy is for those who turn to Me in repentance after knowing from hearing the truth. My mercy is not to save you from being uncomfortable.

Mercy is meaningless to those who have no realization of sin. What would they be in need of mercy for?

My mercy in this age is being taken advantage of. My ways are not your ways. A sinner must know they are in need of mercy in order to obtain it. I do not oppose free will. I do not force my mercy upon anyone. My mercy is made available to those who ask for it, and desire it, in order to come back to Me. Mercy isn't meant to maintain a soul in sin and darkness. You misunderstand. My love sustains all-the sinners and the just alike. My love is unconditional and everlasting. I can love you without you returning my love, or desiring my love. I am Love, there is no other way! My mercy, however, is for the asking. You do not have to ask me to love you, mercy though must be asked for-mercy must be desired.

This made perfect sense! At Mass, we pray "Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us." We don't ask for love, we ask for mercy. It is necessary. The wisdom of the Mass never ceases to amaze me. Really. Then, "Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, grant us peace." Peace comes when mercy is asked for and received! We really do have to know our sinfulness in order to know our need of mercy.

We can pray for God to be merciful to those we see stuck in sin....but it really rests on them asking for it and being able to receive it when the time comes. There will always be those, who in their pride, will refuse to ask. Our prayer should be that they recognize their need of mercy. This is a time of great mercy...the greatest. But have we used it to absolve ourselves from speaking the truth about sin? Do we judge the situation as hopeless and remain silent and quietly count on "mercy" to get the job done? We need to ponder this in our prayer, and ask the Holy Spirit for courage....courage to speak the truth with love.

I received this almost a year ago, but this morning opened my bible to Romans, 6:16-18:

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, although you were once slaves of sin, you have become obedient from the heart to the pattern of teaching to which you were entrusted. Freed from sin, you have become slaves of righteousness.

Speaking Truth

2010-02-09T18:08:00.000-05:00

An excerpt from my prayer journal regarding sin and speaking truth. I think we all struggle with this...do we say something, or do we keep silent and pray? This was very comforting and instructional.

Dear Jesus,

Are we supposed to just allow people-children especially-to live in mortal sin, and not attempt to convince them and urge them to leave it? Suddenly, I feel ridiculous and sinful for ignoring it and leaving them be. We're supposed to let everyone do their own thing and placate them until they come to their senses, until they can accept the truth. Isn't this presuming on your mercy?

My child! You are beginning to see-sin is everywhere! So many sit idly by, watching souls perish. So many are living in darkness and there is no one with the courage to do battle! The devil has deceived many into believing that sin-especially sexual sin-is tolerable and you are not to violate the free will of another. Speaking the truth boldly is not violating another's will.

It would be as watching a house begin to burn down, knowing there were people inside, but saying nothing-sounding no alarm-because the smell of the smoke should wake them up! Their sleep is so deep however, they miss their opportunity for escape. It is the very smoke itself, that you thought should wake them-that caused them to sleep so deep. A stern voice of alarm would have jolted them to awareness.

So many today are sleeping due to the smoke of their sin. Their houses are burning down with them inside and they have no one to sound the alarm! I have chosen you to sound the alarm for my sleeping children. Your prayers and cries for mercy will be the hose and water that put out the flames! The fire department will be the angels and saints at your disposal. Believe this! I will never desert one of my own when they are sent to rescue one from the flames. All resources will be at your disposal. You must trust in that, however-you are not to save them alone! Call on me.

Jesus, I will go where you send me. By Your grace and will-I will speak truth. Just give me the courage and fortitude, love and mercy that is necessary to go into the flames! Jesus, I trust in you!

This pleases me child! You are growing and awakening-there is much work to do!

A New Page

2010-02-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

I have added a new page. The link is to the right in red. It's called "Tying the Prophetic Pieces Together." God is speaking through many of His children right now, sending out a warning to all who would hear. I cannot stress enough the importance of praying to the Holy Spirit right now! Discernment is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It is given to us at Baptism. Pray that this beautiful gift in your soul grow! We truly cannot live without it, especially now. Make the very most of this coming Lent....gather every grace, gift, and blessing that is being offered by Heaven to fortify us for the coming journey. This time has been a gift from God in order to store up graces. The graces you gather today will be the graces you will draw upon in the future. Don't hesitate.

The Difference between Shame and Humility

2010-02-06T10:43:00.051-05:00

I think that being rooted in shame can mask itself as humility. Maybe it is why people stay in it....they think they are being humble. It is most definitely a spiritual deception that is difficult to discern.
True humility is knowing that God is God, I am not. Humility is knowing that God is my Father, I am loved by Him. Because of this knowledge, I strive to lay down my will continuously in order to live in His. I do this because I know His love, and I trust Him. I trust that He knows best, and even if I don't agree with it, it is for good. There is no fear in it. There might be some anxiety related to "letting go" and trusting, but no fear. It is security, truthfully. We are secure in our identity as a child of God, and trust in His wisdom. We can allow true humility in our lives with this knowledge. We know our place.

When we pray the third Sorrowful Mystery, The Crowning with Thorns, the fruit of that mystery is humility. Some may be tempted to think that Jesus was powerless at that point, and associate humility with that. He had just been scourged viciously, was weak. Who wouldn't be traumatized by that? He was led out in front of the mob, crowned in mockery. Shameful. Embarrassing. They were trying to shame him, mock him. They did this to justify their actions. They wanted him silenced and scorned. They wanted to show him as a fool, and to shame those who followed him into giving up. They wanted to drive the point home that He was not the Truth Incarnate. It appeared to the mob that He was a powerless man, getting his just desert. It's apparent in reading the Old Testament that public shame was a very effective and useful tool, and they were using every ounce of it. He was the King of Kings, Lord of Lords. But, there He stood. Hands bound, head bowed, crowned, beaten, bruised, abandoned, bloody. Apparently defeated. Proven wrong. The mob delighted in this, that they were apparently right in their judgment about Him. Look at Him! Shamed and powerless! How is He going to tear down a temple and rebuild it in three days now?

What do you feel when you are confronted by the mob? Do you feel ashamed, mocked, abandoned...beaten and defeated? Do you feel stupid, worthless and tempted to just give up? Do you feel the burning sting of embarrassment for daring to say anything? That would be judging, right? The mob would not see things my way anyways, and they have the power to destroy me. You may think, who am I? Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. Isn't it better anyways to keep the peace at all costs? To love our brother unconditionally? Best then to be silent. They will learn the truth someday...from someone else, hopefully. I should be like Jesus...be humble and silent. I shouldn't cause any trouble or division...that is bad. How will they know the unconditional love of Jesus if I make them mad?

Maybe you don't think this way, but I have, and sometimes do to this day. It is a constant battle. It is because of my problems with shame. I used to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the rosary feeling sorry for Jesus the whole time. In my pity for Him, I thought I too should put up with all manner of abuse in union with Him. It was humility, right? To suffer abuse and not say anything? To become nobody, to become weak, and powerless....like Him. How dare I say anything in light of the suffering of Jesus? It was humility to allow everyone to have authority over me. It was humility to be confronted with blatant lies and sin, but keep on smiling. The lady at the grocery store had authority over me. I was being humble and polite...quiet and meek. I don't know how many bad haircuts I got in those years because I thought my hairstylist must have known best...she was the authority in hair. Seriously. You just have to suffer these things out of humility. I also didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I eventually learned to cut my own hair. I couldn't take that sort of "humility" anymore.

The point is, in my heart I knew the truth. In my heart I knew I was being taken advantage of, I was being shamed into accepting lies as truth. I was fuming inside, and sinning like crazy, because I wasn't allowed to say anything in my "humility." Weak and silent, remember? The reason I fumed was because I was not practicing humility at all. I was living shame and cowardice and putting a humble label on it. It was false humility. I wasn't suffering because I told the truth and was suffering persecution because of it, like Jesus. I was suffering because I wasn't telling the truth in my false humility.

Jesus was not rooted in shame. The reason He could accept the shame and mockery of the mob was because He knew exactly who He was. He was not standing in front of them, crowned with thorns, in weakness and defeat. He was standing there in power and triumph! He trusted His Father unconditionally. He trusted in His love for Him. He suffered this humiliation for the Truth, in order to set the people free. He suffered for a purpose. He suffered out of love. He allowed them to have their way because He knew that this suffering would mean life for them. He was firmly grounded in strength and power from on High. He could suffer because of that! He could stand, apparently humiliated, because of a greater cause. It was precisely this humility that was His strength! He could have, as He said, called upon all the angels of Heaven to defend Him. He had the power, the truth, the love...but in laying down his life to fulfill the will of the Father, he suffered in humility. The Power of God is made manifest through His humility.

The priest at our church told us a couple weeks ago that nobody is living humility because they are afraid of it. They are afraid to pray for it. That struck a cord with me. I had to ponder it when I got home. Why are we afraid to actually ask for humility?? The reason brought to me was that we view humility as shame. Who would pray to be publicly shamed? That is how we view the Crowning with Thorns. Shameful. We are afraid to pray to be shamed. Jesus pointed out to me that we are misunderstanding his Crowning. We misunderstand because of our emotional illness. We misunderstand because of our lack of identity, our lack of trust, our mingling emotional problems with spirituality. If we were healed of these issues, we would begin to finally see the true meaning and power of the sufferings of Jesus. We are bringing Him down to our level instead of allowing ourselves to be raised up to His.

"My power is made perfect in weakness." This is what Jesus told Paul. Weakness here meaning true humility. Read Paul's letters and you will see that he had no identity issues. He knew full well what weakness meant. The power of God is made perfect in our humility. When we are humble, He is strong. So much misunderstanding! Maybe the translators shouldn't have used the word "weak." It definitely gives the wrong impression to those who misunderstand humility. True humility seeks the Wisdom of God. Wisdom is the highest form of surrender. Jesus knew when to be silent, because He was completely surrendered to the Will of the Father. Jesus listened to the Father, and obeyed the Father, in His humility and wisdom. Jesus surrendered His Will to the Father's Will.

So, as we approach Lent and the Way of the Cross, let's focus on the power of Jesus in His sufferings. Let's truly pray for humility so that His power may be made perfect in us.

Distracted Children

2010-01-31T10:25:00.002-05:00

An image is coming to me this morning of children. Their mother told them they could go outside while she was preparing dinner. A very important guest was coming, and she wanted the dinner to be very special. She had already prepared the children...baths, hair, clean clothes. She told them "dinner will be ready soon, so do not leave the yard. I want you to be able to hear me when I call!"

The children go out to play in the yard, close to the house, because they want to hear when their mother calls them in. She said "soon." They are also very excited to meet this special guest. They can tell by their mother's mood that she is very excited, too.

The yard is very beautiful. There is plenty to keep them busy. It is surrounded by a white picket fence. It is a beautiful, secure area for them to play, yet stay close to the house.

Mother, they think, is in the kitchen preparing dinner. What they don't see is the people showing up at the front door. Mother has to keep delaying the preparation of the dinner because these people that are showing up are in need.....she must tend to their needs. It is known all over, that she is the one to go to if in need.

The children, thinking dinner would be "soon", and not hearing mom call, grow restless. They decide to venture outside the gate because there are things to do, friends to see. They will still hear her if she calls, they think. They all go out....one following the other. They become busy....there is so much to see and do! They become distracted by all the activity outside the gate. There is music coming from the neighbors house, another is having a garage sale, there are children swimming and playing in the river, there are neighbors having a barbecue, one is cutting his grass with a very loud mower. They become engaged and attracted by all this activity...they feel free! Two choose to go swimming, three decide they want to see what's for sale...there might be something they need....two more are drawn to the music, and the other three decide to join the neighbors in their barbecue. They are hungry after all, their dinner was delayed.

They are all so busy, they have forgotten about what their mother told them. They have also forgotten about meeting the important guest that they had all looked forward to just an hour before. By now, their clothes have been soiled, their hair is a mess, and they're feeling fulfilled and happy. Then, they remember.

In their fear, they become disgruntled with their mother. They know they disobeyed, and wandered outside the fence. "But she took too long!" "She said "soon!" "How were we supposed to wait that long to eat?" "She shouldn't have made us wait so long!" "What were we supposed to do, just sit and wait?" Children always make excuses when they know they have done wrong.

They run home. They run through the gate and into the house, expecting an empty table and their mother waiting. What they see is a beautiful dinner. Their chairs are now full of people. The table is crowded. There is a very handsome man, sitting at the head. His eyes are captivating. He exudes love and joy. He has captured the attention of everyone there. They think, "that must be the special guest mother wanted us to meet!" They wonder who all these people are that are sitting in their chairs. They do not realize that they are the people who were in need, showing up at the front door that they could not see. They do not realize that these people were why their mother was delayed. They do not realize that their mother had called, but they were too busy, and could not hear. They had left the yard, and disobeyed her instructions.

They are suddenly very sorry. They realize now what they did. They run to their mother, who is busy serving the guests. They plead with her to forgive them. They see the absolute love in her eyes, the understanding that only a mother has. She tells them, " I told you to stay in the safety of the yard. I gave you plenty to do. I was so surprised that when I called, you had left. My heart was broken that you did not trust what your mother told you! Now go, wash yourselves. Then return, because there is little time left to introduce you to our guest!"

What Does a Life Rooted in Shame Look Like?

2010-01-30T10:01:00.001-05:00

This heartbreaking story appeared in our local paper last week. As I read it, I felt saddened that this poor man has lived his entire life in a prison of shame. Read it for yourself, and offer a prayer for him. The entire story was (it was a two-part) a lesson. Read also and ponder about the life of the woman. I immediately thought of a very high profile case a few years back that was heart wrenching. This story testifies to the fact that life is sacred. All of us can learn much from this!

http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2010/01/story_of_drivers_life_51_years.html

Just a Strange Day

2010-01-29T18:16:00.002-05:00

Today is the first sunny day we have had here in Michigan in a long time. We went to Mass and had to stop at the grocery store on the way home.
Driving through the parking lot, a man almost ran into my car with his cart, which had kids in it. He had the cart piled high with bottle returns and was just rounding the corner with abandon before we saw each other. He started yelling at me, loudly! I just kept going, but his anger and screaming could still be heard. Then, as we got out of the car and were just entering the store, there was a couple in a car.....screaming and swearing at each other! They had the windows down, yelling with abandon. I said to my girls, "let's just get what we need, and get out of here!" There was an elderly lady walking the opposite direction with her husband who overheard me. She said "that's exactly what we said!". The whole atmosphere in the store seemed to be charged with hostility...from women with carts who appeared to be on a mission of rudeness, to men acting strangely. We left there, intact, and had to stop at the gas station. As I was standing in line to pay, a young man was holding open the door when a lady came charging in, and I mean charging! She yelled as loud as she could at the cashier to "turn the pumps on!". The poor girl at the cash register appeared very meek, and said "it's all prepay". The lady started yelling obscenities, then charged back out the door. The poor kid holding the door looked very frightened. They took off without getting gas. I was standing there with my mouth open I think. I was so shocked by the public anger I had witnessed over the last hour and a half that I was like dumbfounded. I never see that around here, especially on such a sunny, beautiful day! My girls got a good laugh out of it all, though. Because of my "shock and awe" I came out of the store and walked right past our car. They were sitting in it watching me. So something good came of the whole ordeal! They got a laugh. I think with my foibles, I provide them with a lot of laughter. It's the least I can do.

It was just so bizarre. I guess I'm writing it down because it showed me something. First of all, I definitely didn't feel any love towards these people. I need work in that area, obviously. Secondly, there has always been much talk from all corners about civil unrest. I admit, I must live a sheltered life because what I witnessed today just blew me away. The "feeling" of it was very unsettling. I don't get unsettled very easily, anymore. I'm just wondering if God was allowing us a little glimpse of what is to come, and was showing us to prepare.

Work on Your Conversion?

2010-01-24T11:25:00.005-05:00

I received some newsletters yesterday called The Spirit of Medjugorje. The Blessed Mother's messages from August 25, 2009 and September 25, 2009 stood out to me. They read:

8/25: Dear Children! Today I call you anew to conversion. Little children, you are not holy enough and you do not radiate holiness to others, therefore pray, pray, pray and work on your personal conversion, so that you may be a sign of God's love to others. I am with you and am leading you towards eternity, for which every heart must yearn. Thank you for having responded to my call.

9/25: "Dear Children, with joy, persistently work on your conversion. Offer all your joys and sorrows to my Immaculate Heart that I may lead you all to my most beloved Son, so that you may find joy in His Heart. I am with you to instruct you and to lead you towards eternity. Thank you for having responded to my call."

What stood out is that we are supposed to be working on our conversions. Working. Persistently.
She mentioned it two times in two months. She even went so far as to say we are not holy enough, and we are not radiating holiness to others. The people that generally read these messages from the Blessed Mother are people who pray the rosary, go to Mass, and have many devotions. She must be talking to us. She wouldn't tell unbelievers that. They aren't the ones reading the messages.

So the question would be, why aren't we holy enough? Does that mean we're not saying enough rosaries? Does it mean we need to add more devotions to our routine? Are we not wearing enough medals? Are we not acting nice enough? Is there something we need to add to our list of holy things to do? More help at Church? I don't think so. I don't think that's what she is addressing. "Doing" these things does not "radiate" holiness to others. We always seem to be "doing". That may be part of the problem.

We do not make ourselves holy, God makes us holy.   God can only make us holy with our cooperation. We must not be cooperating. We must not be allowing God to work in us. To heal us. To transform us. Are we too busy "doing" and not being "still" and allowing God to make us truly holy? There seems to be a huge obstacle to being "still" in this day and age. Somewhere, we picked up the idea that we constantly have to be moving, talking, acting, creating, doing. We have a very hard time saying "no."

God had a very hard time with me and being still. It was nearly impossible. It was literally a suffering for me. I hated it. I always felt the need to be moving, cleaning, doing. That's the way I was raised. If you had time to sit down, then you had time to wash windows or walls. To just sit and be were looked down upon. Scorned actually. I used to feel guilty for taking the time to pray. I was sitting and not doing. That was bad. I would hurry, get my rosary in, and off I would go again. I was not able to be still. Even my mind would not be still. Always a list of what I had to do going through my head during my rosary. I was horrible. That really was not prayer at all. I was throwing my prayers up there, and taking off. Thankfully, God is very patient. He is also a very good teacher, like any good Father.

I had no understanding of holiness. I thought holiness was defined by what you did. You were supposed to do "holy" things. That made you holy. Or at least you tried to be. If sinning and living a life of sin were "evil", then praying and trying to avoid sin must be "holy". I think that may be part of the problem the Blessed Mother is addressing. We don't understand what it means to be holy, therefore, we are not able to share this with others.

After my "purification" started, I was led to a prayer group. As part of the formation that is based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, we were prayed over for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. One of the women said, "God wants you holy". I was struck for a second. What? I was thinking "what more can I do?" but didn't say anything. I waited until I saw a priest I was talking with at the time, and asked him what that meant. He told me that it is God that makes us holy, we do not make ourselves holy. To be made holy is to be set apart from the world to belong to Christ, to belong to God for His service. We must cooperate, however, by letting go of the world. He gave the example of the altar at church. It is up on three steps because it is holy...set apart from the rest of the church. I had never heard this before, or maybe I did and forgot it! But, it was timely and very helpful.

They say God cannot violate our free will. If we choose to run and refuse to be still, God will allow it.   I discovered that God can, however, use other means to bring about His will that do not violate our will. Like taking away our means of running. He is so wise!

He really left me no choice but to cooperate. I lived in the middle of a cornfield and was without a car for five months. It was the first time in my life that I didn't have the means to run. I had to be still. No money, no car. Just me, my two children, a dog, and God. In the cornfield. I didn't like it. I was like an impetuous child made to sit in a chair.   I let God know that, too. He let me know a few things, too. What started out as a very rocky father/daughter relationship turned into the most spiritually rewarding time of my life. Because I couldn't go anywhere, I could relax. I could spend as much time as I wanted in prayer, listening for once. Learning. Receiving. It's amazing what can happen when you actually give good, quality time to God. It's no different than children receiving good, uninterrupted time with their parents. The relationship becomes something you enjoy...the battle ends...the power struggle. In this case, I lost the power struggle being I was the child.

I began to desire holiness. I wanted to be who God created me to be. I desired "freedom". I didn't really know what that meant at the time, but I liked the sound of it. Freedom. I wanted to do what He wanted me to do, not running all over doing what I thought was pleasing to Him and others. I desired healing. I was shown how much I needed it. I realized I was actually very tired, very beat up and in need of God. I say this only because what you may see as hardship, loss, and abandonment, may really be God arranging for you to be still so that He can make you holy. If we cannot be still on our own, God has his ways of creating the environment necessary to achieve His will. He has his ways of removing distraction, ties, anything that keeps you from Him. He gave me a very valuable explanation in prayer once when I was complaining about my circumstances. He said:

"You have children. When you want to teach them something, don't you need their undivided attention? Are you able to teach your children when they are talking, getting up, running around and distracted by every little thing? Don't you make them sit and look at you when you desire to impress something upon them? Then why do you complain when I, as your Father, do the same to you?"

Enough said. I understood.

My point is that with all of the suffering, job loss, loss of every kind....try to see it as an invitation. An opportunity. Our first response when things begin to fall apart is to redouble our efforts at doing something to fix it...we become very busy. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, too. It doesn't really seem like a good time to start sitting down and being still! It might even look rather foolish...like the house is burning down and you're sitting, communing with God. The most obvious reason we can't be still is that we don't trust God. We don't trust that He is in control while we're sitting. It is a hard lesson to learn, but the rewards are tremendous.

I'll end with a definition of holiness, according to St. Thomas Aquinas:

Hence St. Thomas defines holiness as that virtue by which a man's mind applies itself and all its acts to God, he ranks it among the infused moral virtues, and identifies it with the virtue of religion, but with this difference that, whereas religion is the virtue whereby we offer God due service in the things which pertain to the Divine service, holiness is the virtue by which we make all our acts subservient to God.

From the Catholic Encyclopedia

This explanation lets us see that "religion" and "holiness" are two different things. Maybe that is where the confusion lies. Religion being our service to God, which most of us do. Holiness being our lives completely subservient to God and His Commandments. There is a difference. So, maybe the Blessed Mother is telling us we need to take our "religion" a step further. We need to allow God to make us holy so that we may radiate that to others. The joy of belonging to and living completely for God. That would definitely "radiate."
Especially in this very insecure world. People will begin to see the value of holiness in us, the security of a relationship with God. They will then desire that, too. Maybe what we are trying to "convert" people to is "religion" when our focus should be "holiness."

And the Greatest of These is Love

2010-01-23T12:07:00.001-05:00

If I speak in the tongue of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

All I can say is this is not the love I was raised with. In fact, it was exactly opposite. It was done under the above guises, though. I have prayed about this for years now. My struggles with "love." What I thought was love turned out to be wrong, as I've written in the past. It creates quite a quandary when you've lived your life according to one set of ideals, only to have them turned upside down in the midst of a conversion. I struggle with love...probably because old habits are hard to break.

I brought this to Jesus in prayer last week....my problems and struggles with love. Actually, it is my fear of love, or what love was in the past. In my life, those people who said they loved me took it to mean a form of ownership. It was manipulative, selfish, controlling, jealous, punishing....suffocating. It was very unhealthy. It has caused me fear about love. My question to Jesus was "how do I love others as you have loved me?"

"You cannot love because love is rooted in truth and you are afraid of that....you are afraid to love in truth. Love is a desire to see all men saved. Paul, my disciple, loved but spoke truth. He corrected in love because of his desire to see all men saved. You view love as giving pleasure. In the world, love is pleasure, lust, removing suffering, making others comfortable. These attributes do not save souls, they can hinder souls. Love isn't for this earthly pleasure. Love should be the motivation to speak truth because you desire that all be saved. This is why I laid down my life, in love. That all would be saved. To think that love should always be pleasurable is self love. To give, and do, and protect others from every suffering is for your comfort, not for their good. There is no fear in love. Divine love casts out all fear. If you are loving in truth, there should be no fear present.

How have I loved you?

Have I given you everything you desire? Have I spared you every suffering? Have I overlooked every offense? Have I shielded you from every consequence of your actions? Have I created ease and prosperity in your life? Have I withheld the truth from you because I was afraid of your anger? your hurt feelings? your wounded pride? Did I withhold the truth from you because I was afraid you would leave, never to return?

The answer to all of these is no. No, I did not allow you to remain in sin, in error, in sickness because of my love for you. This is "love one another as I have loved you."

Christian Unity

2010-01-22T09:56:00.002-05:00

For some reason, I was inspired to read through my old journals this morning. I had in mind the intention of the priest at Mass yesterday..prayer for Christian Unity. I came to this entry, dated January 21, 2009, and felt moved to share it.

" It appears the entire world is operating under a cloak of shame. This is the devils greatest weapon for separating my children from Me. Just as with Adam and Eve, shame is an effective weapon at keeping even my Church from embracing Me! Even My Church is operating in shame! Shame has led the shepherds to allow my houses to be stripped of My Presence. Shame has led to the lack of identity in the One True Church. Shame has led to the focus on self rather than Me. Shame has caused you to hide my Miraculous Power! Shame has caused you to misinterpret My call for unity-unity in TRUTH. If the Sacrifice must be hidden in order to appear united, then it is no unity at all-it is false unity. Shame has clouded your vision. Shame has caused you to pity those in sin for the wrong reasons! You should pity the loss of a soul, not the "feelings" of one going headlong into darkness! False Pity=False Humility. Unity does not negate the laws I have given you. To promote sinfulness is only condemning yourself and those in your care. Woe to those, who in shame promote sinfulness and lead the flock astray! Your shame is the result of your turning from Me and promoting self. It is the result of compromising with the world to appear non-threatening. It is the result of promoting false peace based on mans ways in favor of MY ways, which are more difficult but bring TRUE peace.

I will shatter this false peace you have established using My name. Only truth can remain in My name. I will not tolerate the loss of souls at your hands any longer, not in MY name. Only the truth shall remain."

Healing

2010-01-17T20:40:00.039-05:00

The need for healing is overlooked. I don't know anybody that doesn't need some form of healing, yet there doesn't seem to be an emphasis placed on it. I'm not talking about just physical healing. That's the first thing most people think of....physical ailments that need to be healed. I think the most damaging and hurtful afflictions are those of the mind, heart, and soul. It is these wounds that cause the most sin. These are the wounds that cause people to abuse their children, their families, and everyone else around them. There is so much spiritual, emotional, and physical sickness and pain in our world today that it can't be denied. Maybe that is the problem, denial. Denial of our need to be healed by God, through Jesus.

As a Catholic, I understand that suffering is part of life and united to the suffering of Christ is very powerful. But, not all suffering is necessary. People who are suffering in their minds, hearts, and souls generally cannot experience or accept the love of God. These wounds and sufferings actually separate them from the love of God. What good can come from this brand of suffering? Not only is the wounded person living a life apart from God, more than likely the fruit of these wounds have also spread to others and have caused them to also live apart from God. Sometimes, it is for the good of our souls that the suffering is removed.

I was drawn to Lukes gospel this morning. I read about the woman who for eighteen years had been crippled by a spirit:

13:10-17

He was teaching in a synagogue on the sabbath. And a woman was there who for eighteen years had been crippled by a spirit; she was bent over, completely incapable of standing erect. When Jesus saw her, he called to her and said, "Woman, you are set free of your infirmity." He laid his hands on her, and she at once stood up straight and glorified God. But the leader of the synagogue, indignant that Jesus had cured on the sabbath, said to the crowd in reply, "There are six days when work should be done. Come on those days to be cured, not on the sabbath day." The Lord said to him in reply, "Hypocrites! Does not each one of you on the sabbath untie his ox or his ass from the manger and lead it out for watering? This daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen years now, ought she not to have been set free on the sabbath day from this bondage?" When he said this, all his adversaries were humiliated; and the whole crowd rejoiced at all the splendid deeds done by him.

The footnote was most interesting:
Whom Satan has bound: affliction and infirmity are taken as evidence of Satan's hold on humanity. The healing ministry of Jesus reveals the gradual wresting from Satan of control over humanity and the establishment of God's kingdom.

If you read on in Luke's gospel, starting at verse 31 it reads:

At that time some Pharisees came to him and said, "Go away, leave this area because Herod wants to kill you." He replied, "Go and tell that fox, "Behold I cast out demons and I perform healings today and tomorrow, and on the third day I accomplish my purpose."

Footnote: Nothing, not even Herod's desire to kill Jesus, stands in the way of Jesus' role in fulfilling God's will and in establishing the kingdom through his exorcisms and healings.

I think this proves there is a purpose in healing. God actually desires it for us. It is necessary, not just a novelty of our faith! God desires our healing because it brings glory to Him and establishes His kingdom on earth. It is not selfish to pray for healing for yourself or others. It is the will of God.

He laid his hands on her, and she at once stood up straight and glorified God.

What was the first thing this woman did upon being freed from physical and spiritual bondage? She stood up straight and glorified God! The people who witnessed the healing rejoiced! It increased their faith and joy in Jesus and glorified the Father. The control that Satan had over this soul was broken! Don't you see the need for this today? Don't you know many, many people who are in need of this healing? Maybe you are in need. Maybe you are the one who has been crippled for many years and are bent over for the weight of it.

I sense that God is hungry for opportunities to show His glory. He is desperate to perform His loving miracles in order for all to see and rejoice. He desires healing for his children so that His kingdom may come. What he needs is children that will LET him, children that realize their need of healing. We may feel selfish praying for healing for ourselves, but maybe it is selfish not to. Maybe we are clinging to our emotional illness, sin, fear, shame, doubt and pain and not allowing God to heal us for His glory. Maybe our suffering has become so much of our identity that we are afraid to let go of it and be healed. Can you imagine the woman who was crippled and bent over for 18 years? Imagine what she was able to do for the glory of God once she was healed. What if when Jesus said, "Woman, you are set free of your infirmity", she said "No thank you, I'm alright. I've been this way for a long time and I'm used to it now." She was obviously getting around and functioning because she was at the temple. We are probably functioning, too. But imagine if the unnecessary burdens that are crippling us were removed. Imagine how much more we could accomplish and how much more God could be glorified through us!

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what needs healing in your heart and soul. Then, allow Jesus to heal you for the glory of God!

Cast the First Stone

2010-01-16T11:00:00.001-05:00

Another inspiration given to me in regards to the opinions on the devastation in Haiti:

Luke Chapter 13

A Call to Repentance

At that time some people who were present there told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with the blood of their sacrifices. He said to them in reply, "Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did! Or those eighteen people who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them-do you think they were more guilty than everyone else who lived in Jerusalem? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did!"

Those who pray the Rosary will recognize in this the Third Luminous Mystery...The Proclamation of the Kingdom. The call to repentance that is so necessary today.

Let He Who Is Without Sin

2010-01-14T09:13:00.042-05:00

I have to say something that is on my heart regarding Haiti. I have read all the articles and have seen all the pictures of the devastation....God have mercy on those poor people. The opinion that their belief in voodoo is somehow to blame for their demise is what's bothering me.

If this is true, that voodoo is the cause of their suffering, then what must be in store for us? The United States of America? At one time the richest nation in the world with every resource at our disposal, a church on every corner, a college education for all? Even with all of this abundance, knowledge and prosperity we allow the killing of the helpless unborn and numerous other abominations. Is this somehow a lesser sin than voodoo? I think at this point in the game, it is no longer an issue as to why a certain country deserved chastisement. We all do. Plain and simple. There is not one country on the face of this earth that is living completely according to the will of God. Far from it. If anything, I think we should look at Haiti and put on our sackcloth and ashes. Those of us in the United States should then be quaking in our boots for what God has planned for us.

The Blind Leading the Blind

2010-01-10T14:21:00.398-05:00

"The Blind Leading The Blind", Pieter Bruegel the Elder 1564

I absolutely love religious art...especially the old. It is always so rich with meaning. This picture definitely spoke to me.

When we allow our emotions; fear, anger, anxiety, worry, shame, doubt and pity to have authority in our lives, we are like the blind leading the blind. We look to others for direction, we are in confusion, we are indecisive, we become weary and weak. We feel like we are overwhelmed every day. We are reactionaries who simply react all day to others' emotions, opinions, actions. We allow them to dominate us and paralyze us. We can be weighed down all day over a critical comment, a negative mood, something we heard or saw on TV or the radio, someone's problems or their dissatisfaction. We can be an emotional sponge...soaking up everything we come in contact with on a daily basis. Living by emotion alone is hell. It has the ability to throw you into darkness and blindness every day regardless of how much you pray. It's exhausting and draining and even our prayer can become one more occasion of distress. Emotions can be oppressive.

op·pressed, op·press·ing, op·press·es

1. To keep down by severe and unjust use of force or authority

2. To weigh heavily on

3. To overwhelm or crush

Unfortunately, when you're in the midst of a trial, disordered emotions can drive you right into panic and despair. It's difficult to get out from under the heap. You tend to get in a downward spiral that you can't free yourself from. It is virtually impossible to discern right from wrong in the midst of the chaos in your head. Disordered emotions are also excellent material for the devil to work with. They are so pliable and easily manipulated. You could almost liken it to being drunk. Your sensibilities are compromised, your reflexes and instincts are distorted, your vision is cloudy and your judgment is impaired. Your defenses are down and you're liable to listen to any voice in the darkness if it promises an answer to your trial.

Your minds, then, must be sober and ready for action; put all your hope in the grace brought to you by the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter:1:13

I believe it is very important right now to be "sober." You do not want to be blinded by your emotions in the midst of the storm. You also will not want to be following others that are blinded. Have you ever heard of drunk drivers who, in their drunkenness, simply follow the tail lights of the car in front of them...even over a cliff? They are not in control of their faculties, therefore must trust any lights they can find in the darkness to lead them. Even ones that lead to death.

What has been impressed deeply upon me in prayer is the need to do what is necessary to become sober. It should be a priority in prayer, especially. Most people are reluctant to pray for healing for themselves thinking it selfish. Most people are reluctant to admit they have a need of healing from God. Would it be prideful to humble ourselves in front of our Father and confess to him our need of healing? We look around at family members, friends, co-workers and see their need for conversion and healing and bring that to God. Wouldn't it be humility to admit our own need? Years ago during prayer I heard "physician, heal thyself!" This definitely caused me to pause and discern what God what saying. After thinking about it, most of our prayer intentions for others are based on our own need. "Lord, convert this person!!" Honestly, it's most often to relieve our own stress....once they are converted we can stop obsessing and worrying about their behavior. Once they are converted, our guilt will be relieved. Once they are converted, we can move on. Once they are converted, we can forgive. Once they are converted, what? You can fill it in. The point is, many of us are still in great need of "conversion" ourselves. Our hearts are still full of fear, doubt and shame... we still need healing and conversion! We may still be on the fence. We may be of two minds. We may be in the ship being thrown about by the storm of emotions. We may not trust God with our own lives completely. What sort of example is that to those we are praying for? "Physician, heal thyself!"

What has been shared with me in prayer is that God desires our healing. He needs strong, level headed, sober leaders. Not just for ourselves, for others. Our healing will mean life for others! Our hearts are in the right place...praying for others. This is wonderful! However, He doesn't just want us to pray for conversions. He wants us, by our strong example, to lead these people to him. Too often, we get in the boat of other people's turmoil and allow it to pull us away from shore, into darkness. Two people in a storm ravaged boat in the dark doesn't do either of you any good. To be a strong voice and light, leading and directing them safely from shore would be more desirable and beneficial for all. This is what God is asking for. That you be on a firm foundation emotionally and spiritually. You who will listen and respond to his request. Our prayer and work for His kingdom is so much more effective if we are on a solid foundation.

A very strong faith is needed right now. There are a lot of storm ravaged boats out in the darkness that need to be safely led to shore! If you have any time free at all, do not waste it! Fill your lamps, pray for healing for yourself that you may lead others to Christ. Be childlike and trust that He will heal you and make you strong, for His glory. Trust that he desires to heal you!

They Obeyed Him

2010-01-09T14:17:00.004-05:00

"He was not two-faced. He was not hypocritical. He did not have a dark side of his life that he kept hidden. He didn't just speak the truth-he was the Truth Incarnate. Jesus gave orders to unclean spirits, and they obeyed him. It wasn't the words that kicked the devil out, it was the person who spoke those words."

Jesus gave orders to unclean spirits, and they obeyed him. Aren't we supposed to be doing the same?

"They obeyed him."

The authority of Jesus. Jesus! All authority has been given to Him. He in turn shares it with us, if we will accept it, to continue on in the work of setting the captives free. If it wasn't the "words" that kicked the devil out of people's lives but the "person" behind those words, then it makes sense that the devil would not want you to realize your true identity in Christ, or accept his authority in your life. Realizing your true identity means defeat for him. Realizing and accepting your true identity and the authority of Christ means that you now see the devil for what he really is, and the only authority he has in your life is what you give him. You now see the devil and his deception clearly because you are no longer living in it. Living in falsehood, being someone you were not created to be is simply deceit. The devil has no problem working in this, in fact he desires it and thrives in it. When you accept the call of Jesus and begin to take the spiritual life seriously and actually live it, you take away everything the devil uses to remain attached to your life. He loses his hold on you and others. He can harass and oppress, but he cannot hold on. If he has to obey Christ, then he has to obey Christ that is in me. I now share the authority that was given to Jesus. See the importance of knowing who you are and accepting that truth? The importance of dying to "self" in order for Christ to reign in you? It isn't just for us, for our salvation alone...it is so Christ can save others through us.

Authority II

2009-12-31T09:58:00.089-05:00

I went searching for information on authority, because it interests me, and I believe it's very important to have a proper understanding of it at this time, in this world we live in. Everything is in chaos. Laws are enacted that we, as Catholics and Christians, cannot abide by. Those that are supposed to be in positions of authority are questionable. What are we supposed to do? Is there anyone in charge?
It just seems there has been a complete breakdown in society as to who is who and what is what. It's confusing to me. Everyone is doing their own thing, even in the Church itself. People in positions of authority are teaching their own interpretations of Church teaching or dismissing it all together. No one appears to be shocked or scandalized by sin...everything is acceptable. Everything is tolerated. We are to have open minds and not judge anything because we are supposed to be tolerant as a sign of our Christianity. I know the truth, believe the truth, and try my best to live the truth, but it's like living as a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I guess I'm trying to make sense of the whole mess. I can see, now, why the Holy Spirit is so very important in these days. I pray for an increase in wisdom and discernment daily, because I have been shown that it is not going to be possible to survive spiritually without it. "Even the elect will be deceived." The importance of this has been stressed to me numerous times in prayer. It was pointed out that it is pride that would have us believe that we can suffer trials without the use of the Sacraments, which are God's grace made manifest on earth, through His Church.

Simply, you run the risk of being lost if you are not taking this time of mercy that has been given to us as a gift from God to gather every available grace that is being offered through prayer and the Sacraments in order to carry you and others through the very difficult times that are approaching. We should be using this time wisely to be healed spiritually and emotionally. When chaos and confusion strike unexpectedly and forcefully, you will need to draw upon these graces in order to remain level headed and strong in your convictions. When these things come upon us, who will you be listening to? Whose direction will you be following? When everything falls apart, as I've mentioned in my previous posts, you may be tempted to go down the wide and easy road to Hell. This is why God is training us in our trials now....allowing us to be brought to our very lowest now....allowing our faith to be tested severely now. It is training for the future and it is a gift. It is for the salvation of our souls and the souls of others. Many of us have received in prayer that we will be called upon to lead others....in order to do that, we must be firmly rooted in faith, hope, love and have a complete knowledge of who is in charge. A knowledge of which God we serve, because there will be many false gods demanding our obedience.

From Monsignor Charles M. Mangan ,Catholic Online:

What do we mean by the virtue of obedience?

The eminent Jesuit theologian Father John Anthony Hardon, S.T.D. (1914-2000), in his helpful Pocket Catholic Dictionary (New York: Image Books, 1985), offered the following definition of obedience: “The moral virtue that inclines the will to comply with the will of another who has the right to command.” (Page 291)

Therefore, a person who is rooted in obedience submits his will to the one who possesses legitimate authority over him.

In his Summa Theologica (II, II, Question 104, Articles 4 and 5), Saint Thomas Aquinas (1225?-1274) declared that God is to be obeyed in all things, while human authorities are to be obeyed in certain things. Father Hardon explained: “ . . . obedience to God is without limit, whereas obedience to human beings is limited by higher laws that must not be transgressed, and by the competency or authority of the one who gives the orders.” (ibid.)

The Catechism of the Catholic Church addresses the virtue of obedience, even calling it, as we did above, a duty. “The duty of obedience requires all to give due honor to authority and to treat those who are charged to exercise it with respect, and, insofar as it is deserved, with gratitude and good-will.” (1900)

How does one fail in regard to the virtue of obedience? Theologians have traditionally distinguished between sins in excess and sins in defect relative to a virtue.

A sin in excess against obedience is servility, which is marked by adherence to a directive that is contrary to a higher law or precept. One would be guilty of servility if he obeyed a civil law that is at odds with God’s moral law.

A sin in defect against obedience is disobedience, which is the transgression of an order that falls within the competent authority of the superior and is, therefore, a legitimate directive. One is disobedient if he purposely fails to do or omit something commanded by his lawful authority.

There has been tremendous abuse of authority in the past by those in the Church and the world who took advantage of the obedience of others. This is true. There are many instances in our history that show blind obedience can be detrimental and harmful. I think it proves that the virtue of obedience must be practiced in a healthy manner....it is not just obedience alone that is necessary, but obedience as part of a healthy spiritual life, and a healthy understanding of authority, and also an understanding that God alone is the Ultimate Authority.

Wicked and Illegitimate Authority

When I think of a situation where authority was obviously abused, say Hitler, I try to understand how people could blindly follow him, and condone and approve the murdering of a specific race of people. How did that happen? Were people so poor and ignorant that they didn't know better? Was it their fear and poverty that created an environment in which wicked authority could prosper? Were they afraid for their own lives, so were willing to sacrifice the lives of others to preserve or improve their own? Were they so afraid of disapproval that they simply gave in, against their conscience, and allowed men, women and children to be tortured and murdered? Did they allow the wicked and illegitimate authority to convince them it was necessary?

In a speech at Koblenz, August 26, 1934, Hitler said: "National Socialism neither opposes the Church nor is it anti-religious, but on the contrary it stands on the ground of a real Christianity . . For their interests cannot fail to coincide with ours alike in our fight against the symptoms of degeneracy in the world of today, in our fight against a Bolshevist culture, against atheistic movement, against criminality, and in our struggle for a consciousness of a community in our national life . . . These are not anti-Christian, these are Christian principles!"

However, the year previous he had this to say about Christianity:

Historian Paul Johnson wrote that Hitler hated Christianity with a passion, adding that shortly after assuming power in 1933, Hitler told Hermann Rauschnig that he intended "to stamp out Christianity root and branch."

As Hitler grew in power, he made other anti-Christian statements. For example, he was quoted in Hitler: A Study in Tyranny, by Allan Bullock, as saying: "I'll make these damned parsons feel the power of the state in a way they would have never believed possible. For the moment, I am just keeping my eye upon them: if I ever have the slightest suspicion that they are getting dangerous, I will shoot the lot of them. This filthy reptile raises its head whenever there is a sign of weakness in the State, and therefore it must be stamped on. We have no sort of use for a fairy story invented by the Jews."

It appears he had the ability to use Christianity when it served his purpose, yet despised it in truth. Sounds too familiar. We are being sold the same bill of goods today, only in a more modern and enlightened way. It is Nazism repackaged and resold. As an example, we are being deceived into believing that abortion is a necessary "right" because no one should be "punished" with a baby. Babies are perceived as threats to our way of life, our ecology, and a burden that should not be "forced" upon anyone. We then justify taking these dead babies and using them to improve our way of life and preserve our health through vaccinations, embryonic stem cell research which falsely promises to cure disease and improve cosmetics. We do this in the name of a god who does not want people to suffer needlessly and who wants us to use every means, even the life of another, to achieve this goal. Maybe it is easier to accept the murder of defenseless babies, because we don't watch them being made to march down our streets to their deaths. It's a quiet, hidden atrocity...one that is easily overlooked. The goal is still the same, it's for the good of all; just under disguise. Soon, we will all be asked to pay for this murder of innocents under the guise of "health care" so that the lives of women will not be burdened or threatened. Are we going to contribute to this because it is government mandated for the good of all, or run the risk of severe persecution by condemning it and refusing to participate in the death of innocent babies. Who will we pledge our obedience to? This is just one example of the challenges we will be faced with in discerning our obedience to authority. It is going to require tremendous grace and courage to stand against it in obedience to God. Are you equipped to do that?

The Rev. Joseph A. Pellegrino, Diocese of St. Petersburg, FL has his homilies posted online. I thought this part of his homily on the authority of Jesus was very helpful in discerning rightful authority in our lives:

"He taught with authority, not like the Scribes and Pharisees."

"A statement carries authority according to two aspects-who is speaking and what is being said. Jesus spoke with authority. What he said was true. Who he was who spoke gave weight, credibility, and authority to his teaching. Who we are most often speaks louder than our words.....

He was not two-faced. He was not hypocritical. He did not have a dark side of his life that he kept hidden. He didn't just speak the truth-he was the Truth Incarnate. Jesus gave orders to unclean spirits, and they obeyed him. It wasn't the words that kicked the devil out, it was the Person who spoke those words."

So the need for clarification in your life as to who is your Ultimate Authority is very important. There is a definite need right now to focus...focus on what is truly important and what is truth. It is as if God is allowing such severe trials in our lives to wake us up. To look! Look up! We will lament the time we wasted on trivial, unimportant things when these things come and we find ourselves unprepared in strength and virtue to meet the challenge. This is no time to be looking at your neighbor and thinking no one else seems to be concerned....I'll get to it later. Noah I'm sure was feeling the pinch...building an ark in preparation for the flood God had shown Him, in the desert no less. It takes tremendous perseverance to stick with this task of preparation in obedience to God. It has been so long since the spiritual life was taken seriously...it's almost foreign to us. This is why this time is a gift, a time to learn the ways of God, which to some are nearly like learning a foreign language.

God is going to shake the fence and He desires that you do not fall off it. He desires you come off it willingly. He desires that you do your part and take advantage of the graces being offered, the time being offered, to do all that is within your power to put oil in your lamps. Do not be like the foolish virgins! They fell asleep waiting for the bridegroom and were locked out of the banquet. The devil is doing everything in his power to distract people right now. He doesn't want you prepared, because he knows if you are prepared, that will be more souls saved. He wants you to be sleepy with worry, anxiety, confusion, chaos, boredom, marriage problems, worldly endeavors.....he doesn't want you to learn that foreign language, the language of God, because then you will be easily led astray. You will be easily deceived if you don't know God, and if you don't know His Voice.

A priest once asked me if I knew what the opposite of love was. I naturally said "hate". He said "No, the opposite of love is apathy. Love and hate imply that you care, apathy does not care at all, it is indifferent. It is tolerant. It compromises, because it doesn't care." We should do all in our power, and by the grace offered by God, to overcome our apathy in these days. It could easily be our apathy that is our demise.

Authority and Identity

2009-12-25T09:52:00.000-05:00

Do you know who you are and who you answer to? This will be very important in the times to come. Most important. If you are living the fruits of shame and lacking in a strong identity rooted in Christ chances are you answer to many people, too many.

So what is "authority" exactly?

authority n pl -ties

1. the power or right to control, judge, or prohibit the actions of others

2. (often plural) a person or group of people having this power, such as a government, police force, etc.

3. a position that commands such a power or right

4. such a power or right delegated, esp from one person to another; authorization

5. the ability to influence or control others

Synonyms: Rule, Power, Sway, Authority, Control, and Influence denote a power or right to direct the actions or thoughts of others.
Authority is a power or right, usually because of rank or office, to issue commands and to punish for violations: to have authority over subordinates.
Control is either power or influence applied to the complete and successful direction or manipulation of persons or things
Influence is a personal and unofficial power derived from deference of others to one's character, ability, or station; it may be exerted unconsciously or may operate through persuasion: to have influence over one's friends.

It was brought to my attention during prayer that I had a misunderstanding of authority. I had given too many people in my life the power to control, judge and prohibit or dictate my actions. I can't say I did it willingly, it just came naturally given my issues with shame and a lack of a strong identity. It was also ingrained in me as a child. All adults, teachers, employers, older siblings, parents, etc. could dictate who I was and what I was supposed to do or not do and I had to do it; obedience. In an emotionally dysfunctional system, this is disastrous. It stifles growth as an adult when you believe you can only live according to the boundaries established by those whom you perceive as having authority. You are living according to their will. A helpless and powerless slave with many masters. What I was shown was that my priorities were upside down. I thought I was to serve everyone, be obedient to everyone, please everyone, be agreeable, do as I was told. These may seen as good and humble qualities, but only if God is at the head. It is possible to turn all the people we are serving into little "gods."

I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before Me.

There's a very good reason this is the First Commandment I have discovered. It's very easy to get lost in the sea of gods if you do not have a firm belief and acceptance of God as the One True God, the Ultimate Authority. This is meant for our security. Confusion and chaos reign when you do not have this "truth" firmly implanted in your heart. Maybe this is why there seems to be such a sense of insecurity in the world today. We are not living this most basic and absolute truth God gave us. I believe the confusion and chaos are only going to increase in the world which is why it's important now to understand authority and who holds it.

And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying "All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." Matt 28:18-20

"God the Father is the ultimate authority. All flows from HIM. It is "given" to man in order for all to be brought to the Kingdom. God is a God of order. Authority is necessary for order. Those God chooses as authority figures are chosen to serve for God. God being the head, those chosen-the subordinate authority. They, if close to God and desiring His will alone, are to carry out the will of God for the good of all. Just as I only did what the Father did, they are expected to do the same."

I cannot of myself do anything. As I hear, so I judge; and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will, but the will of Him who sent me. John 5:30

"All authority was given to me because my will was the will of the Father. Through complete humility and obedience to the Father I was given this gift. I was sure of my identity as the Son of God".

The last line "I was sure of my identity as the Son of God" really needs to be pondered deeply. It speaks volumes about the necessity of knowing your identity as a child of God and what that implies. It is in knowing our identity in Christ and living in humility and obedience that we are able to share in that authority that comes with discipleship in this world. Authority rooted in truth.

What we are seeing today in society is an abuse of authority. It is not authority rooted in humility and obedience in order to serve others for the greater good. We are witnessing a wicked authority rooted in pride, power, arrogance, lies and selfishness. It's no wonder that God had to be removed from our society. If you remove something, there has to be another something to take it's place. We are witnessing now the removal of True Authority and it's replacement, wicked or false authority.

One good example of this would be that the schools have become the authority, the god in the lives of children and parents. The government has led everyone to believe that parents don't know what is best for their children, they do. This can only happen though if that authority is given away by the parents. Many parents today do not know God as the Ultimate Authority, therefore in their confusion and chaos relinquish their God given authority to the schools. From what I witnessed teaching 10 year olds Religious Education, the schools have become the new "church." The parents willingly abided by this. They are allowing the schools/government to "raise up children in the way in which they should go." Parents act powerless and in fact are in the face of the authority of schools and government. They are powerless because they do not know who they are. They have abdicated their parental responsibility to those who appear to know what is best. It is out of order....God's order.

There are many elderly who feel the government is taking care of them through Social Security and all of the other government programs offered. This gives the government authority in their lives because the government appears to be their only source of providence and security. They have taken the place of God.

Many people who work have allowed their employers to become a god in their lives. How many are living in fear of losing their jobs? How many feel they must do whatever their employer asks, even if it's wrong in the eyes of God, in order to keep their jobs? How many view their employer as the only "source" in their life? How many believe their employer holds their life in their hands? This is definitely out of order. God is our source and He can provide through whomever He deems, whether that be your employer or someone else. Your life is in God's hands, not your employers. With the economy the way it is, many are tempted to put all their faith and trust in the wrong source. God first.

How many people treat doctors as god in their lives? I am amazed by the number of doctors offices, hospitals, research facilities, etc.. springing up in our area. I wonder how anybody lived 30 years ago without 14 doctors offices within 2 miles of each other. Are people really that sick? or are they so afraid of suffering and dying that they are visiting their doctor with the false belief that they are capable of sustaining life? Have they forgotten who the true source of life and healing really is? Does anybody pray for healing before they go to the doctor? Is the doctor now the source of all life? Does he hold your life in his hands? God, the Divine Source must always come first. Jesus is the Divine Physician. He will guide us in our health and direct us as to when and where we should go. He will also give us peace and comfort in our suffering if united to His suffering.

Is your credit score your god? Do you obsess about financial ruin because the world tells us we are worthless if we have poor credit? That you are no longer useful and have nothing to offer if you cannot get credit? You can't be employed, you can't buy a house, a car or any other thing because of your credit score?
Has your credit score determined your identity? Do you feel that your credit score tells everybody who you are, or give you some sense of superiority? Good credit is important. It does say something about how we manage the gifts God has given us, and how much we trust in God as our provider but it does not tell us who we are, which first and foremost is a child of God. No one and nothing can take that away from us. If you don't know that to begin with, then you will allow this to dominate your life. All of your actions will be centered on preserving this number that dictates your worth, identity and financial "freedom". That is the mistaken notion people have of credit, that it is freedom. It's a false notion, but promoted heavily none the less.

Are there people in your life that you bow to at the expense of your faith in order to keep peace? To please them and keep them comfortable? Do you judge your actions based on their opinions or reactions? Are you afraid to do or be what God is calling you to because they disapprove? Are you standing still because you don't want people to think you are too holy? Are you afraid of the judgments of others and allowing this to dictate your faith? Family and friends can be a very powerful influence in our lives. As an adult however, this can be very detrimental in living the will of God. In his book "Life Shouldn't Look Like This: Dealing With Disappointment in the Light of Faith" by Gregory Popcak, he addresses this situation perfectly:

"Granted, we must attempt to act in a manner that is respectful of those around us. But if those others are unwilling to work with us as we try to accommodate their needs and merely respond to us instead with emotional, irrational bullying, then to give in to this "bullying" is to place their comfort-and our fear of losing the relationship-over the call God has placed on our hearts. That action-placing another relationship over the call God has asked us to take up- is idolatry. C.S. Lewis actually addressed this very point in The Four Loves. In it, he quotes the words of Jesus:

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife, brother, sister-even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (Lk 14-26)

Lewis says "we must turn down, or disqualify our nearest and dearest when they come between us and our obedience to God. Heaven knows, it will seem to them sufficiently like hatred. We must not act on the pity we feel; we must be blind to tears and deaf to pleadings."

This can be very confusing when wading through the spiritual life. We are always told to love everyone, accept everyone, be pleasing to everyone, tolerate everything; even poor behavior, with a forgiving heart. It can be brutal to discern what is acceptable when dealing with family and friends. Especially so if you are very insecure and unsure about your own identity and lacking courage and strength. The temptation to just fall in line and be like everyone else is very strong. It can cause lukewarmness...neither hot nor cold...in our faith, gradually eroding any zeal or passion in living out our faith. We cannot continue to weakly hand over authority in our lives to others. God the Father is the only authority we should be concerned about. That has to be understood first and foremost before you can begin to accept and understand civil authority. It is also very important to understand what real love is. I have learned that real love isn't just pleasing others and being agreeable.

In writing this, it has brought alot of things to my mind. Alot to ponder. It just occurred to me that I needed to mention the fact that we can also fall into the belief that we are the only authority in our lives. Me. No God, nobody, nothing will tell me what to do. I am my own master. This is also wrong....pride at it's peak. The sin of Lucifer which was his demise. I will not serve.

I think this is all part of "getting our houses in order" which so many have heard. Order. It's very important and makes for a much smoother and more secure ride. Pray about who has authority in your life and strive to get your house in order.

Holiness

2009-12-22T06:02:00.000-05:00

A little counsel I received from the Lord regarding this often misunderstood virtue:

"Did you know that you do not make yourself holy? I make you holy, based on your acceptance of my invitations in your life. Your openness to my actions, your allowing Me to take up residence in your heart. This creates holiness. On your own, it is impossible to be truly holy. Good actions are rooted in pleasing self first. True holiness is Me acting through you for the greater glory of God. All true holiness originates from Me. This is why humility and obedience are "keys" to holiness. These keys allow me to enter and take up residence in your heart. When I call a soul to holiness, these are the first keys given. They "unlock" a prideful heart. The heart can only be unlocked from the inside-by you."

Suffering and the Love of God

2009-11-06T23:08:00.002-05:00

The word "suffering" seems offensive. It's scary. We don't like it. We simply don't understand it. There seems to be a strong societal view that suffering is to be avoided at all costs. There should be no suffering and we should do everything in our power and then some to eradicate it. We should be happy all the time, fulfilled, busy, healthy, productive....if you're not, there's something wrong with you.

I myself am no fan of suffering. It occurred to me in all of my struggles that the minute suffering enters my abode, I rise up and do everything possible to eradicate it. That could be why purification is so difficult for me to handle.....it involves alot of suffering. Most of my distress is caused by trying to beat it down, control it and fix it. In my mind, the love of God should be pleasant, warm, non-threatening. It should be building me up, not tearing me down. When you love someone, you don't just throw them to the wolves, you do everything to protect them and keep them safe and comfortable. Suffering in my book was the enemy.

Sorrow is better than laughter, because when the face is sad, the heart grows wiser.

Sirach 7:3

What? How could sorrow ever be better than laughter? That's not what the world tells us! It does sound crazy, but it's true. Rather than beating suffering out of our lives, we should be listening to it. It is very often a loving invitation from God. Suffering can be the best of teachers. It can be a great revealer of truth. It can make the heart grow wiser. I can only speak of my own situation, but I believe that emotional and physical suffering are very often an obvious manifestation of a spiritual sickness. God allows suffering to reveal truth which can then in turn be healed. It is why I have come to believe that to allow suffering is an act of God's love for us, not His wrath.

A priest I know once said that "stress doesn't build character, it reveals character". You could replace the word "stress" with "suffering" and it would still be true. When everything is going well in our lives, we are secure in our little kingdom and content with our accomplishments, we rarely see ourselves for who we really are, our true identity. It's easy to ignore. We may scratch the surface and admit our various faults, but to be brought face to face with our true character and have all of our masks removed is not humanly desirable. We avoid it like an unwelcome plague and may even help others avoid it, too.

Could it be that somewhere in our hearts we know when suffering enters our lives that it is allowed as an invitation from God? Isn't that when we give a thought to God, in the midst of suffering? Whether they are good or bad thoughts about Him, that's definitely where our thoughts go. Could it be that our desire to reject suffering in our lives is really an unconscious rejection of God's invitation? Maybe we really have no desire to attend whatever it is He's inviting us to. We may find the invitation offensive. We refuse to listen to the suffering invitation because we cannot bear it and go about seeking any earthly means possible to fix it.

I love the story of Tobit in the Catholic Bible. I have always been drawn to it for some reason. I prayed for St. Raphael's intercession numerous times for my dad, my friend who died of brain cancer, and numerous others who were suffering. I have never witnessed the results that I desired as a result of those prayers, and in fact the suffering seemed to increase. I confess I became discouraged. During the suffering, I could not see what God was doing. I could only see the suffering, which I thought needless. I was using my prayers to beat the suffering out of their lives, too. In hindsight, although my exact intention wasn't answered the way I wanted, so much more was learned and received as a result of it. For those who don't know the story of Tobit, I will give you a brief bottom line but read it for yourself. It is a beautiful, encouraging story. If you are struggling in suffering right now, read it.

Tobias, a very virtuous Israelite lives with his wife Anna and his son Tobias. Due to a strange accident, the elder Tobias goes blind. Because of this, his family becomes very poor. In spite of this, he remains constant in his prayers, steadfast in faith and hope in God. He is mocked for this by his fellow Israelites. At the same time this is happening with Tobias, in another town there was a man named Raguel, a kinsman of Tobias. He had an only daughter named Sara. This young girl was on the verge of suicide because seven times she had been given in marriage, and each of her husbands had been killed by an evil spirit on their wedding night. Sara was accused of murdering them by a servant. She was despondent, but continued to pray to God.

As it turns out, in God's wisdom, her prayers are answered simultaneously with the prayers of the blind Tobias. In Tobit 3:25, it states "the holy angel of the Lord, Raphael, was sent to heal them both."

The whole story is amazing and shows that suffering can be very valuable, yet misunderstood. There are many twists and turns in the life of his son Tobias in obtaining help for his father with the assistance of St. Raphael himself. In the end, Raphael reveals to Tobit in 12:13: "When you did not hesitate to get up and leave your dinner in order to go and bury the dead, I was sent to put you to the test".

The moral of the story, as written perfectly by Angela Carol in the book "St. Raphael":
"The problem of pain and suffering has been a mystery throughout the ages. Only too often, bodily ailments (I would include all crisis...) have been regarded with fear and accepted reluctantly as a harsh, though necessary punishment for sin. They should rather be looked upon as blessings in disguise, as a means to draw closer to God and show our love for Him. Had the elder Tobias become sullen and resentful of the blindness that befell him, it is possible that God would not have shown him any special mercy. However, Tobias did not blaspheme because of his affliction; rather he "continued immovable in the fear of God, giving thanks to God all the days of his life."

"Many of us, grieving over a sudden misfortune, will moan: "Why has this happened to me? Why does God punish me? What have I done to deserve such a cross?" Tobias, however, bore his affliction patiently and blessed God for it. Consequently, he gained much by this seemingly unfortunate experience, for there is no misfortune that God cannot turn into a blessing for those who love Him."

"God has the right to intervene by supernatural means of His own choosing, and it is not for us to dictate to Him how and when this should be done. When a situation becomes extreme, because of man's folly or helplessness, the action of God's omnipotence shines forth more clearly. Furthermore, while waiting for a sign of divine mercy, man has the chance to practice and grow in the virtues of patience, humility and faith. Let us not be hasty in our judgments, lest we fail to see the good in what seems to be bad fortune."

Suffering isn't allowed just for the sake of suffering. There is always a purpose in it, a lesson.

We have to desire to see it. It may not feel at all like the love of God, but it is.

Have you forgotten that encouraging text in which you are addressed as sons? My son, do not scorn correction from the Lord, do not resent his training for the Lord trains those he loves, and chastises every son he accepts. Perseverance is part of your training; God is treating you as his sons. Has there ever been any son whose father did not train him?

Hebrews 12:5-7

If we are made to know, love, and serve God as his children then we have to trust that every suffering He allows is for our good. It is to reveal truth, to set us on the right path, and it could possibly be an answer to prayer.

Truth

2009-11-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

I think there are alot of people who sense there is something wrong with this world. Many are receiving such urgency in their prayers, an urgency from God. What is the urgency? To be rooted in absolute truth, now.

Everything appears to be upside down, yet we are being told by the world that it is the way it should have been all along. They are simply making things right. Hmmmm.....So what is right? Do you know without a doubt what is right and wrong in the eyes of God? Or are you questioning yourself and your beliefs. Their arguments about abortion, gay marriage, embryonic stem cell research, removing God from public life, they all sound convincing. You may have been taught that these things were wrong, but maybe they are right, times have changed and we have to change with them. Our beliefs may be too strict and outdated. Some of these things like embryonic research even appear to be good if it will bring healing to others. Doesn't everyone deserve happiness no matter the cost? Who are we to say? Who are we to judge?

The reason we should be judging these lies is because souls are at stake. Souls are being lost in the midst of the greatest deception this world has ever seen. Truth is being erased daily and replaced with lies. This is why God is purifying some now, bringing some right to their knees....suffering and purification bring about truth.
If you are living a lie with false identities, false relationships, false wealth, cowardice, shame and sin you are at risk of being lost. God cares more about your soul than he does your home, your checkbook, your job, your retirement or really even your health. If the loss of these things will bring about conversion of your heart, truth, and the salvation of your soul and others, He will allow it. He cares more about your being with Him for eternity rather than your comfort and enjoyment here on earth. I think the days of seeing God as a jolly Santa Clause who just wants everyone to be happy are over.

John 18:37-38
So Pilate said to him, "Then you are a king?" Jesus answered, "You say I am a king. For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice" Pilate said to him, "What is truth?"

Have you noticed how much the truth aggravates people? Some of us have just given up saying anything because it arouses such anger. Given we are Christians who are supposed to be "nice" and "tolerant" of everyone and everything wicked, we avoid the truth to keep the false peace. False peace appears to be better than no peace at all. It's a miserable situation. It's creating lukewarmness and apathy. I've noticed that shame is being used alot by the media, certain groups that are demanding their "equal rights", even the Church. Shame is such a powerful weapon to get people to shut up and get in line. That's why it's important to be healed of it. If we are predisposed to crumbling and caving in when shamed we will not be able to defend the truth. We will simply be lost in the tides of deception.

I admit that in the worst of our trial, there was a day when I thought I would sell my soul to the devil to get out of it. Just to have it stop and have things go back to "normal". Yikes! That's what can happen when desperate suffering hits! Anything to make it stop. I believe God allowed me to sink to that very point to show me just how weak my "faith" really was. I could hear Him saying "if you think this trial is bad and you are willing to sell your soul to fix it, you haven't seen anything yet." It woke me up. It was like being slapped in the face in the midst of a fit. It was necessary. I knew then that this purification was for good, not out of some cruelty of God's. It was out of His love that He was allowing it because He can see far, I can't.

It doesn't appear that anyone thinks a very strong faith is necessary anymore. I can't stress the difference I was shown between what people consider "faith" today and the faith that God is calling us to. There is no comparison really. A simple belief in God will not suffice. An intellectual faith and theology will not suffice. The faith He is calling us to is deep, very deep. From the heart. He is calling for complete dependence and trust in Him. Not just a glance and a nod. Not going about our business and presuming He's ok with it. Not putting faith at the bottom of the list and survival at the top. I get the sense that our faith, rooted in truth, is of the utmost importance right now.

It's time to get our houses in order. By "houses" I believe God means our spiritual lives. Our priorities. If you are living according to worldly standards with just a name tag of "faith" on your shirt, then your life probably will be turned upside down in order to get it in line with spiritual standards. We never put our houses in order on our own. I don't even think in this day and age we know how. God has to intervene. I can look back now and see that God was trying to get my attention years ago, but I ignored it. It took that "awakening" and the "first darkness" to truly turn my attention completely to Him. Up to that point, I was living in both worlds. There was alot of falsehood in my life. I had no idea how to live in the world but not be of the world.

We have become so content with falsehood in every aspect of our lives. We are content with compromise, with sin, with lukewarmness. It's almost as if we don't even expect truth anymore..."what is truth?" We have so lowered our standards that we don't even remember what they were to begin with. We need God to shake things up. I have come to the point of being very grateful to God for this shaking that has occurred in my life. For showing me in no uncertain terms where I was weak, where I was sinning, where I was living in falsehood, where I was compromising. Out of His love, he desired more from me and allowed suffering and loss to bring me to that point.

James 1: 2-7
Consider it all joy my brothers ,when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it. But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a man of two minds, unstable in all his ways.

Maybe the confusion lies in the fact that faith is not just a label, it is not meant to glorify us because we chose to believe in God. Faith is a gift given to us by God that we should accept in humility to glorify HIM. We do not initiate it. We do not choose to have faith. It is a gift given by God. It is not just for us, to save us and boost our self esteem. When God gives a gift out of His love, He expects it to be used to it's utmost for our salvation and the salvation of others. It is to be used to establish His kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven, to build up the body of Christ in truth, not just to build each other up for it's own sake, to make people feel good about themselves. He expects it to remain pure and unstained by self interest and manipulation. He won't allow it. He will, in His justice, put things in order. That is what justice means....putting things in order. This is why our "faith" has to be tested.....a weak, self centered, doubting faith that only pleases us will bring no glory to God. In fact, it can lead souls away from God.

So, if God is shaking you right now, thank Him. If He is allowing everything in your life that is false to come crashing down, thank Him. If He is allowing you to be tested and stretched, thank Him. You won't regret it.

The Lure of a Quick Fix

2009-11-05T01:31:00.000-05:00

When we are suffering and there appears to be no help or support and God appears to be silent, temptation can come knocking...powerfully. Desperation can cause us to seek that which gives some immediate relief, even if it is false.   Fr. Groeschel in his book Spiritual Passages, gives a rather concise description of what can be a very desperate situation. He calls it "the first darkness":

"It occurs, (the first darkness) as is indicated in the Dialogue of St. Catherine, at the end of the purgative way. If one is in a responsible position-clerical, religious, or lay-one is expected to smile. "A sad saint is a sorry saint. Christians always smile! And celebrate!" The Salve Regina with its vale of tears is said to be a baroque leftover. The exiled person often feels alone. Then, some external event usually occurs over which one has no control: It is often a failure, perhaps a betrayal, a collapse, a career failure, or even a death; and then life falls completely apart. One has nothing: Nada. One is fortunate at that time to be able to cry. In a very real way one dies. Many important things are laid aside as trivia. One becomes detached, objective, "disinterested", to use Loyola's word. There is a dead person lying on the stage of life; he or she looks familiar: "Oh yes, it's me. Could someone please take me away so that they can rehearse for the next dance?" These are the sentiments of the first darkness."

I think many people have gone through this but had no idea what it was. I didn't. It's most definitely the reason for the rise in prescriptions for anti-depressants (more than 164 million prescriptions written in 2008 for Americans) and the popularity of Oprah. These things are never talked about at Church, which most people have one hour of contact with if that, a week. It seems to be an unspoken rule that if this level of suffering is occurring you should seek medical or psychological help, the Church isn't equipped for that kind of help. True spiritual guidance and understanding is very difficult to find in the Church. Fr. Groeschel is right...a sad saint is a sorry saint, we're supposed to be smiling and signing up for ministry to build up the Church or build a new church. Does the Church believe these things don't happen anymore? Has it completely lost touch with the actual Spiritual Life? People don't go looking for this kind of experience, believe me. God calls us. God initiates it. I liken it to being drafted in to the Army. When you show up with your card in hand, there's no one there to greet you or give you directions.   You get on the bus and go to war, with no directions or advice, just a pep talk. You're on your own.   I think this is why many people are seeking answers and help on their own and only adding to their misery.
The following statistics are interesting:

To cope with such economic insecurity, it seems that Americans have seized upon the self-help culture in record numbers. Between 1972 and 2004 the number of self-help books published more than doubled. Estimates of the total annual revenues for the self-help industry range from $2.8 billion to 8.6 billion, with one out of every three Americans reporting that they've purchased at least one self-help book.

In addition to a thriving, well-advertised, and widely televised cohort of self-help gurus, over the last decade an entirely new profession has emerged: personal and career coaches. Themselves often hailing from the ranks of the downsized, these coaches aim to help Americans find their way through an increasingly competitive economic world that has been shorn of most safety nets. Self-Help, Inc.

Although it states "economic insecurity" as the leading cause of the increase in self-help books, my guess is that a good percentage of it is "spiritual insecurity". In this day and age, it could be considered the same thing.
I have no problem with self-help books if used properly. We should educate ourselves about issues that affect us. There can be tremendous help offered in books! It should be done in the context of truth however. Books such as The Secret are really just deceitful. They offer false hope and when the techniques suggested don't bring about the promised results, the little faith that might have been there before is now gone. These books should not replace the truth. Many of these books and gurus don't work within the truth of Christ, they intend to replace Him. If they do mention Christ, it is in a false and almost blasphemous way. Many place entirely too much importance on self..."you will be like gods", the same lie Eve fell for in the garden. This is why going through the phases of Purification can be dangerous without solid guidance. Temptation abounds for a quick fix and to be blunt, the devil is prowling the world searching for just these souls who are looking for answers in all the wrong places.

From Fr. Groeschel, Spiritual Passages:
"..... because of the current vogue to learn methods of meditation aimed at producing religious experience apart from the imperatives of moral conversion. The tendency to separate religious experience from rectitude of life represents an old and dangerous tradition of gnosticism at it's worst-a tradition which is contradicted by the lives and teachings of the saints."

This book was written in 1985! Over the course of the last 24 years this trend towards New Age beliefs has exploded and is now practiced openly in some churches. The following are some brief descriptions of what is being offered:

Reiki:
          Reiki is described by its advocates as an all-present cosmic “energy” or “life force,” and also as a supernatural knowledge and wisdom that comes from God. It is said to produce “spiritual healing” and “self-improvement.” Its practitioners say that they can direct this energy through the palms of their hands, which are applied to various parts of the body. It has no scientific foundation.

Centering Prayer:
          This technique originated in St. Joseph’s Abbey, a Trappist monastery in Spencer, MA. According to Father John D. Dreher, it is neither Christian nor prayer. It is essentially a form of self-hypnosis which makes use of a “mantra,” a word repeated over and over, concentrating on one thing and introducing a hypnotic-like state. God is seen as a part of the universe who can be “experienced” at the center of one’s being, and not as one who is transcendent, who is other than us, and is a loving Father. It takes these characteristics from Hinduism, through the medium of Transcendental Meditation (T.M.).

Most advertise this as a form of contemplative prayer. I would disagree. Themes that one finds in Centering Prayer include the notions that true prayer is: silent, beyond words, beyond thought, does away with the "false self," triggers transformation of consciousness, and is an awakening. Suggested techniques often include breathing exercises, visualization, repetition of a word or phrase, and detachment from thinking with the promise of union with God, or the divine within. Wouldn't it be great if doing away with the "false self" was that easy? The lives of the Saints are full of stories of the real Spiritual Life, the one that God directs, and I've yet to read about one that attained full union with God by Centering Prayer.

I quote Fr. Groeschel again in his book Spiritual Passages in regards to contemplative prayer:

"First Phase of Contemplation-Simple Union with God: The transition from the illuminative way to union with God is accomplished by a change of emphasis, an increase of one phenomenon and a concurrent decrease of another, as so many developmental changes take place. During the experience of contemplative meditation, or prayer of simplicity, those at the end of illumination experience more and more episodes of contemplation quite beyond their own powers."

The bottom line is that union with God and contemplative prayer are not attained by using techniques. They are gifts from God, and it is in purification and the natural progression in the spiritual life that these are attained, beyond our powers. I firmly believe that to teach a technique such as this to people weak in the faith or looking only for an "experience" is dangerous to say the least.

The Enneagram:

The enneagram is a circular diagram with a nine point star which symbolically describes nine personality types. It focuses on the ego, compulsions, and self-improvement. It is founded on pagan beliefs. There is no scientific proof that there are nine personality types. The enneagram is not science. Father Mitch Pacwa, once one of the first teachers of the enneagram, explains that the deepest problem with the enneagram is its theology. “The goal of the enneagram is different from the goal of Christianity… Redemption wrought by the Cross is not and cannot be integrated into the enneagram theory of personality.” The nine-point star was originally used by Sufi mystics for fortune telling. Pacwa tells us that the modern version of the enneagram system was “a complete fabrication based on instructions an occultist named Oscar Ichazo received from a spirit he was channeling.” The spirit directed him to take the seven capital sins and place them on the nine point enneagram diagram. He needed two additional capital sins so he added “deceit” and “cowardice.” The claim is that we are born divine and when we are about three years old, we cover over that divinity with an ego type. One of the “nine capital sins” is at the core of each ego type. The purpose of the enneagram is to discover one’s own type of driving force for one’s actions or energy directions which one pursues. It is a “mirror of the soul.” Father Pacwa points to the fundamental problem with the enneagram: “We humans cannot save ourselves and Salvation is a free gift of God’s grace which no human can earn.” In spite of this, no fad has engulfed Catholic retreat centers and seminaries in recent years more than the enneagram.

A Course in Miracles:
Excerpt from website promoting the program:
"Some of the ideas the workbook presents you will find hard to believe, and others may seem to be quite startling. This does not matter. You are merely asked to apply the ideas as you are directed to do. You are not asked to judge them at all. You are asked only to use them. It is their use that will give them meaning to you, and will show you that they are true.
Remember only this; you need not believe the ideas, you need not accept them, and you need not even welcome them. Some of them you may actively resist. None of this will matter, or decrease their efficacy. But do not allow yourself to make exceptions in applying the ideas the workbook contains, and whatever your reactions to the ideas may be, use them. Nothing more than that is required".

Anything that tells you that you can not "judge" should be avoided. We are to discern ALL things in the light of the Holy Spirit. We are never to allow ourselves to be led unquestioningly. This is dangerous. Without the Holy Spirit, who is it that is leading you? The serpent was only too eager to lead Adam and Eve away from God with false promises. If it sounds to good to be true, it is.

For an excellent article on this program and it's dangers, go to: http://www.ewtn.com/library/NEWAGE/BRAINWAS.TXT

2 Timothy Chapter 3

But understand this: there will be terrifying times in the last days. People will be self-centered and lovers of money, proud, haughty, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, irreligious,callous, implacable, slanderous, licentious, brutal, hating what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God as they make a pretense of religion but deny its power. Reject them.
For some of these slip into homes and make captives of women weighed down by sins, led by various desires,always trying to learn but never able to reach a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so they also oppose the truth--people of depraved mind, unqualified in the faith.
But they will not make further progress, for their foolishness will be plain to all, as it was with those two. You have followed my teaching, way of life, purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, and sufferings, such as happened to me in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra, persecutions that I endured. Yet from all these things the Lord delivered me.In fact, all who want to live religiously in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. But wicked people and charlatans will go from bad to worse, deceivers and deceived.
But you, remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it,
and that from infancy you have known (the) sacred scriptures, which are capable of giving you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that one who belongs to God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

There are many good books that I read that were very helpful. Here are a few you may want to check out:
Praying the Rosary for Inner Healing by Fr. Dwight Longenecker
Fr. correlates the mysteries of the rosary to the times and areas of our lives that need healing. This book is a very personal approach to praying the Rosary as a means of healing graces!

Spirituality of Struggle-Pathways to Growth by Andrew D. Mayes
Drawing on the insights of some of the great spiritual writers, Andrew D. Mayes offers encouragement and hope as he seeks to build a 'spirituality of struggle.' He points out that the struggles that seem to make up such a large part of our Christian lives can be the very way we find God. They can help us to work out a mature and reflective faith.

Why Did I Do That? by James and Dianne May
"Emotions were created to be the power that gets us where we want to go. Instead, at times, we find ourselves pulled in different directions, trapped in habits and feelings that trouble us. This book offers a spiritual perspective on how to use our emotions to work with us, not against us."

Spiritual Passages-The Psychology of Spiritual Development by Fr. Benedict Groeschel
"Fr. Groeschel does an excellent job of integrating the areas of psychology and spirituality"
(Fr. Groeschel has written many excellent books that I have read in the past. This is the book I refer to often because it is the only one I found that gave me solid direction)

Shame and Sin

2009-11-04T16:58:00.000-05:00

From the previous post, Shame the Silent Killer, we see how very damaging living in shame can be. We see what it creates in us....lack of trust and hope, self-sufficiency, fear, inability to love and receive love in a healthy way. It literally robs us of our identity as children of God. This theft of our identity isn't a laughing matter. Souls who are stuck in shame can be lost as a result of not living in their true identity. Souls who are living in shame have difficulty approaching God and seeking His mercy and forgiveness. We can become like the rich young man, who although was following all the rules, could not trust Christ enough to let go of his belongings to follow Him completely. People who are living in the sickness of shame have difficulty letting go of their "belongings" so to speak...their false identities and defense mechanisms of rationalization and intellectualization.

Intellectualization is defined as an unconscious means of protecting oneself from the emotional stress and anxiety associated with confronting painful personal fears or problems by excessive reasoning. Corruption of truth.
Rationalization is defined as a defense mechanism in which irrational or unacceptable behavior, motives, or feelings are logically justified or made consciously tolerable by plausible means.

"These defenses must be carefully examined because they are the trump cards in the devils deck" according to Fr. Benedict Groeschel in the book Spiritual Passages.

God understands completely what people living in shame are going through, and is compassionate towards them. He understands the wounds, the pain and the fear that created it. He knows that it can harden our hearts. He mourns over what sin has does to His children. God desires your healing, however. He does not want you to walk away like the rich young man did.

So what are the special dangers that are present in a person living in shame? There are many. In His mercy, God did show me how living this way was breeding sin. That was part of the "heaviness" of the yoke I felt. This can be a difficult topic to write about because of the shame factor in sin. Like a vicious cycle. You establish your life, knowingly or unknowingly, to protect yourself from shame. It's a result of a deep wound possibly caused by someone you loved and trusted. It can be a result of being sinned against, not brought on by any fault of your own. The challenge is seeing that this life we are living rooted in shame is built on a foundation of sin, and we are only continuing on in sin in response to it.

Let's look at one of the characteristics of living in the sickness of shame and see how it can lead to sin. Know that God makes us aware of this out of His love, not condemnation or vengeance. It is His mercy that shows us this so that we may be healed. His greatest desire is that the captives be set free. What sets us free? The truth.

One of the first and probably more obvious sins that stem from the sickness of shame is Pride. It seems to be a common, hidden thread in the list of "characteristics" in the previous post. Pride can be misunderstood because many people were taught that pride was a good thing. There are two kinds of pride, as you'll see in the description below. You might think that someone suffering from shame; feeling inferior, worthless, fearful and wounded, would be incapable of this sin of Pride. Unfortunately, feelings of shame can manifest in behaving shamelessly...the complete opposite. We may not even be aware that our actions are sinful. This is dangerous because it's deceptive. That "trump card in the devils deck."

The following is the most accurate and eye-opening example of prideful behavior I have ever read. It is from a book called "The Day Will Come" by Michael Brown.

" Meditate on the many ways you may think of yourself as better than someone else. Think of the times you've considered yourself more advanced or better looking or somehow superior. The times you've taken pride in your clothes or cars; even the times you've taken pride in your spirituality. Think back on the many times you've been impatient. Impatience often results from pride. When we're proud, we treat our friends and loved ones as inferior. We put them down. We argue. We're testy and we judge others. We focus on everyone's faults but our own. We're negative and temperamental. With pride we become materialistic because we want physical objects to back up our feelings of being above others. We like to showcase ourselves and demonstrate power. We become rude and argumentative. When pride accumulates it spreads from person to person and can also begin a domino effect. A negative one. (This is a good description of someone rooted in shame, but it is describing Pride!)

But aren't there some forms of pride that are good? Aren't we suppose to be proud of certain accomplishments?

There's a difference between feeling satisfaction and harboring conceit or haughtiness. There's a difference between thanking God-Who is actually responsible for any good we do-and thanking ourselves. We should never give ourselves the credit. We should never feel "puffed up". I've already said pride blocks grace. It stymies our development. No one who is arrogant can function as an effective Christian. Pride is the real root of all evil because it's pride that leads to materialism, sensualism, and the coarse treatment of others.

Pride is faith in ourselves. Pride magnifies self instead of God. Pride leads to selfishness. Pride causes our prayers to ring hollow.

Pride prevents a closeness to Christ because Jesus is the antithesis of pride. He's the opposite of selfishness. The ultimate humility was His descent into mortality. So, when we have pride, when we're self-seeking, we're the opposite of the way He gave of Himself on the cross".

Can you see by this description of Pride and how it manifests that it can be rooted in shame? How many of us have confessed pride, only to continue on in it, beating ourselves up because we couldn't seem to overcome it?   It's because we failed to see the "root". If the root is not removed, the stalks and leaves (sins) will continue to grow.

God sees us always in His love. We are his children. This is not a condemnation, it is an invitation! God invites us to be healed but we must first desire it! Shame can create rebellion in us, "stiff necks" you might call it. After so much pain and woundedness we may have become prideful as a defense and to punish those who hurt us. Given we have no identity in Christ, this left a void that had to be filled. We may have become materialistic to fill that void. We may have become promiscuous, seeking the affirmation and love we never received through sexual sin to fill the void. We may have become hardened and callous to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again. We may become rude and argumentative to hurt others the way we have been hurt. We may become angry and rage filled towards others when the shame button has been hit and we need to release the pain. We may feel superior and treat others as inferior because we don't ever want to feel the pain of humiliation and rejection again. We may drink too much, or be suffering from alcoholism or drug abuse to escape the pain of hopelessness we feel.   You see how it perpetuates from generation to generation! Sin begets sin. God extends the invitation of healing so that it stops. Here. Now. He is extending His hand to pull us out of the pit we have dug, but we must take it.

Jesus began to show me all the instances in the Bible where people were in sin and shame. The two that stood out the most to me were the woman caught in adultery that they were ready to stone in John 8:2-11 and the woman at the well, or The Samaritan Woman, John 4:4-26.

What struck me were the words of Jesus to the woman in adultery, "Nor do I condemn you, go and sin no more".   What relief and love she must have felt towards Jesus! She was not condemned or shamed by Jesus, she was forgiven! She believed she was, too. She didn't walk away still feeling the sting of shame, guilt and embarrassment...she was set free by His mercy! She accepted His gift.

With the Samaritan woman, the woman was getting water at this time because of her shame. She wore a scarlet letter on her forehead (since she had married five times, and was now living with a man who was not her husband), and in order to avoid the gossip and cruelty of others, came to the well in the heat of the day, rather than in the morning, when others would get their water. Jesus knew she would be there. He chose to stay behind while the disciples went to get food. He met her in her shame! We read that He met her there, and extended the invitation for healing and restoration! She responds "Sir, give me this water, so that I may not be thirsty, or have to keep coming here to draw water". She accepted the invitation! We can, too.

Some people may view the Sacrament of Confession in a negative light. They approach it with fear, if at all, thinking you have to go to a "person" and tell them everything you did wrong thereby inviting more shame. There could be good reason for some fear if judged by the light of the past and the horror stories we have all heard or experienced. Unfortunately, there have been priests in the past who used the Confessional in a negative manner, and under the guise of getting the sinner on the right track and back towards God, used shame as a motivator.   This is not what God intended. A good shepherd does not scare the flock, they would flee. I think we are seeing the fruits of that in the Church today....because the Church has tried to diminish that image, they have diminished the power of the Sacrament of Confession and have failed to realize it as the gift that it is. We don't realize the gift that it is, either.

There is such WISDOM in the Sacrament of Confession! God established it in His Church as a means of deliverance from sin and the accompanying shame. He knew the burden we would carry from sin. He knew the damage sin would inflict on our souls. He knew that we would live in darkness, separated from Him in our shame, if we had no means of reconciliation! Read the story of Cain and Abel....Cain says to God in Genesis 4:13:

" My punishment is too great to bear. Since you have now banished me from the soil, and I must avoid your presence and become a restless wanderer on the earth, anyone may kill me at sight." This was after he killed his brother. God knew we would avoid His presence and become restless wanderers. And yes, living apart from God we are living in dangerous territory and open to the wickedness and snares of the devil.

God knew all of this. There is nothing new under the sun! We are human, we will sin. He sent Jesus as the remedy. Did you ever wonder why Jesus had to suffer the most shameful death available in that day? He took all of our sin, no matter what that sin is, on Himself. All of the ugliness, the humility, the shame, the horror! He took it in our place. That is true love. "I will suffer in your place". We have to accept that, however, not just take it for granted that we're good with God.   Going to Confession is in effect accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for you. In the Catholic Church we believe, as has been taught for centuries, that in the Sacrament of Confession, the priest is sitting "in the person of Christ". The priest, as a successor of the apostles, is a "vessel" that Christ extends his forgiveness through.

John 20:19-23
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were (10 of the 12 Apostles), for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, I also send you.   When he had said this, he breathed upon them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit; Whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained."

The "vessel" does not have to be perfect in order for us to be forgiven. We express our sorrow for sinning against the love Christ has for us, the love that enabled him to die for us. We tell Jesus what we have done that has harmed our relationship with Him.   Through the priest, we hear from Jesus the words the woman caught in adultery heard "nor do I condemn you, go and sin no more".   Confession is a healing Sacrament...just one of many ways Christ extends his healing to us through His Church. When our souls are unburdened, when the weight and the darkness of sin and shame is removed by Jesus through this Sacrament, we are restored, made new again! Grace begins to flow once again.

Jesus desires to meet YOU at the well....he has an invitation to extend to you. Will you accept it?

Shame-The Silent Killer

2009-11-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

Shame? A Killer? What does that have to do with all of this?
I mentioned in my previous post that I discovered emotional health is very important for spiritual health. Poor emotional health can distort and destroy faith. Proper emotional health can be a positive attribute to our faith. Emotions should not rule our life or our faith, our will should supersede them. When we are unhealthy, it's the other way around. Our unhealthy emotions can create an "old wineskin." When suffering does come, it acts as a match thrown on gasoline....

Shame is prevalent in so many people today, but remains almost unnoticed. At least it isn't noticed for what it really is. It manifests in so many different ways that it's hard to pinpoint it. It is the "Silent Killer" of souls.

I had no idea I was living in shame. Wasn't shame a sort of humility? Wasn't to feel shame all the time a protection against pride? It only came to me after much prayer and gnashing of teeth. I finally asked God directly..."why do I believe in You, pray to You, but can't seem to accept and experience this "freedom" Jesus promised?" I thought the yoke was supposed to be light, yet I was feeling anything but! I woke up the next morning and immediately heard the word "Shame." It was a revelation to say the least. It was liberating to know there was a name for what I was experiencing.

Armed with this one word, "shame", I set out to investigate what this obvious enemy really was. I needed a definition to understand it, then I could see how it was affecting my spiritual life, my relationship with God. The weight of this "purification" was crushing and I was near hopeless. Prayer really was not offering any consolation, especially when done in fear. It bothered me that I was not handling this any better than someone with no faith at all. Wasn't faith supposed to support us in difficulty? Something in me was definitely lacking and this new "lead" was an answer to prayer.

The following is a list of characteristics of those who suffer from shame. It can be the root of unhealthy emotions. If you see yourself in any of them, or all of them, you may want to investigate further.

Adults shamed as children are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self. This leads to the creation of a "false self".
They don't believe they make mistakes. Instead they believe they are mistakes.
Adults shamed as children may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. It can be masked as "humility" in the spiritual life.
Adults shamed as children fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships. These adults frequently express the feeling that one foot is out of the door, prepared to run.
Adults shamed as children may appear shameless, grandiose and self-centered or seem selfless, giving and appear to be a martyr.
Adults shamed as children feel that, “No matter what I do, it won't make a difference; I am and always will be worthless and unlovable. I don't matter".
Adults shamed as children frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They suffer feelings of severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can be blamed
Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating guilt. These individuals apologize constantly. They assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.
Adults shamed as children feel like outsiders. They feel a pervasive sense of loneliness throughout their lives. "On the outside looking in." Never feel "normal."
Adults shamed as children project their beliefs about themselves onto others. They engage in mind-reading that is not in their favor, consistently feeling judged by others.
Adults shamed as children often feel angry and hostile. This can lead to shaming others.
Adults shamed as children often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect. These feelings regarding self may lead to focus on clothing, makeup, obsessive dieting in an attempt to hide flaws in personal appearance and self.
Adults shamed as children often feel controlled from the outside as well as from negativity within. Normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or not at all. They have an over heightened sense of responsibility. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance anxiety and procrastination.
Adults shamed as children experience depression but rarely know why.
Adults shamed as children lie to themselves and others to avoid punishment, judgment, humiliation.
Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like excessive work, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list-making, gambling, video gaming, computer addiction.
Adults shamed as children often have caseloads rather than friendships.
Adults shamed as children often involve themselves in compulsive processing of past interactions and events and intellectualize (corruption of truth) obsessively as a defense against pain.
Adults shamed as children are stuck in dependency or co-dependency.
Adults shamed as children have little sense of emotional boundaries. They feel constantly violated by others. They frequently build false boundaries through walls, rage, pleasing or isolation.

Well, this explained the heavy yoke I was feeling. I was led in prayer to discover where this came from....how I arrived at this point. I know much is made about it being all about you, too much about self these days. Everything seems to be self-centered. In this case, because of how damaging this sort of shame is and it's ability to keep you from a healthy, loving relationship with God and others, God was leading me to take a good look at myself and discover who I really was, the truth. How can you know you are a child of God, how can you feel like a child of God, if you don't even know who you are? Knowing I was a child of God wasn't important to me, I was just who everyone needed me to be to keep the peace and make them happy my whole life. I was good at "fixing" things. I was trying to use these defective relationship skills with God. Whoever or whatever He needed me to be to get the job done, I could do it. I didn't need anything from Him. That was selfish. I could provide for myself. This relationship was supposed to be about me serving Him. I didn't realize that identity is very important to God. We are created in His image, so our true identity is essential for a healthy relationship with Him above all, and others. Shame causes us to create many false identities as protection and therefore, the truth of who we were created to be is lost.

Through much prayer, I was led to see how shame was just part of life growing up. Shame was an acceptable way to discipline, control, and form children at home and in the Catholic schools. Shame was also the fruit of dysfunctional families. This is not healthy shame that's being discussed, this is what they refer to as "toxic" shame.

Some of the more common sources of shame that I discovered are:

Lack of unconditional love and acceptance from parents, siblings
Being teased, criticized, judged, reprimanded for normal childhood things, our bodies, our personalities...things generally out of our control.
Being rejected/abandoned by mom or dad or both, whether due to blatant rejection or one or both parents being too busy and consumed with self interests to parent properly, immature parenting.
Divorce
Keeping the "family secret"
Alcoholism, drug abuse, addictions, sexual abuse
Confusing love with pity. Always being treated as a helpless victim. This tells the person there must be something wrong with them if they are being pitied for no apparent reason. Creates self-pity.
Excessive control exerted with threat of punishment
Demand for perfection to please parents/people/God
Public humiliation/having weaknesses exposed publicly as punishment to encourage change. Being exploited.
Being made to feel responsible for someone else's happiness, or misery
Being refused support, encouragement, compliments as a means to make you strong
Poverty; being shamed for what you didn't have
Being made to always be "nice", irregardless of true feelings.

After reading these, it is easy to see how fear and shame work together. I have always known that I suffered from fear, that was obvious. But where the fear was coming from was always elusive. This discovery was encouraging, yet daunting. My whole life was built on this foundation, this was the image I was formed in. So what now? I had many questions for God. I was struggling with anger towards Him, also.

It is frightening to become vulnerable to God, to trust Him, to allow Him to love you. Pervasive feelings of worthlessness make it nearly impossible. It is often said that God loves us just the way we are. How can we believe that when those who were supposed to love us just the way we were couldn't? If we experienced love as a child only when we were good, perfect, skinny, smart, healthy, successful.... what does that say? If we made a mistake and were punished...physically, emotionally or both, how can we trust and bring our faults to God and trust in His mercy? How can we believe that He will forgive us when we were shown no mercy? We can't even forgive ourselves for not being who we were supposed to be to please others, we're a disappointment. How can we step out and take risks, actually live, when the fear of criticism, judgment and persecution loom. If we were told we were worthless, why even bother? Life can become very little and frightening under these circumstances and if there is any faith, it is rooted in fear. Fear of God, fear of God's punishment, fear of displeasing God and falling out of His good graces, fear of something bad happening if we are not perfect and sinless. That isn't even humanly possible! Being rooted in shame gives us an entirely false image of God. We can easily project our ideas, experience, relationships on to God and begin to see Him as a fearful enemy. The purification we were in the midst of was definitely magnifying these issues.

This is what God was trying to show me....why I needed healing. He knew many of these issues were in my heart and it was keeping me from accepting His love and trusting Him. It kept me from even needing His love. He knew I needed His love. I don't think many people even realize that they actually need the love of God. We may have lived our entire lives never even considering it...never even believing it possible. To "need" love in the mind of a person suffering from shame is equal to needing pain and disappointment. Best to avoid it all together. It is nice that God loves us, a nice thought. We aren't able to accept it personally though.

To keep up that false identity that you create to protect yourself and please everybody all those years is difficult to maintain and to let go of. It's a stronghold. A fortress. A lie. It's built that way for a reason, to withstand every attack of shame, or to thwart attacks. Living in shame, and building my life to protect against shame were quite natural. I never knew any different way of life. It appeared to be a family tradition. Shame had become my identity. I really did not know there was something better. I guess it could be likened to living with high blood pressure. It's a disease that you live with day in and day out and most people don't even realize it. The whole time you're living with it though, the damage is being done silently. That is what I see shame as, only a disease of the soul. It causes tremendous damage, but it is almost undetectable. Symptoms pop up here and there, but you never quite know what the actual problem is. All you know is that you feel miserable and things don't appear to be working as they should be. You can become comfortable with misery.

There are many good books written about Shame. It is good to educate yourself about it in order to begin to be free of it. Prayer is vitally important also. It is important to pray for healing-for yourself. This healing can be a very difficult process in it's own rite. It is important that it be done with much prayer! Many don't want to face it let alone go through it. I would have much preferred God just smack me with a quick healing, but no. It had to be a road traveled, no shortcuts. I asked God in prayer one day why this had to be so painful, long, difficult in spite of everything else going on. Could He possibly budget it out for me? It was almost like a perfect storm going on.....things were being lost (home, jobs, identity) and gained (insight, understanding, confusion) at the same time...it was overwhelming. His reply was:

"You arrived at this point as a result of negative life experiences. I cannot take those away, but I can replace the memory of them with new experiences that will lead you to love, healing and restoration in ME. My desire is that when trial or misfortune does come, you will not recall the fear and shame you felt previously and feel alone and despondent. You will recall only my love and providence due to these new experiences I am creating for you. You will trust Me."

God is very good. He does give us what we need, not what we want. His wisdom in all things never ceases to amaze me. Everything He allows truly is out of love. It doesn't feel that way because we are unfamiliar with real love. We have to accept it. God does not violate our free will. It does not just happen automatically. If we choose to live in misery for fear of surrendering, then God will allow it. He does not choose it, we do.
Jeremiah 29:

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart.

Am I Being Punished?

2009-11-02T22:24:00.000-05:00

Isn't that exactly what most of us think when these things start happening? When everything starts falling apart. Based on what we were taught, that's our first thought. We must have been so horrible that this is what we deserve. We base all our thoughts on that old punishment/reward system and turn in on ourselves

Many of us were raised with the belief or lack of belief of our parents. We acquired their image of God and what they were taught, be it right or wrong. My dad was schooled by the old Jesuits. Deprivation, superhuman strength, and duty were the hallmarks of his schooling. He was taught and shared with us the belief that failure was not an option because it would bring shame upon yourself and the family. If you did fail, then it was your fault and it meant you were somehow weak and you were lacking in virtue. You made your bed, now lay in it. Suffer the consequences in silence. There would be no consolation or support for a fall. It was obviously supposed to be a lesson in being strong and self sufficient. It was meant to build character. It was meant to teach us to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and persevere. These aren't entirely bad qualities to have, a strong character, but notice it required that we do all the work. That we be exceptionally strong and carry our burdens alone. We were taught that our parents and God were pleased with this. The goal was not to be a burden on anyone....not mom and dad, not God, and never to be a burden on society.   We were to "take pride" in this, being self-sufficient and strong and never needing help. God was watching from a distance to keep track of our falls, and would be ready to strike at a moments notice if need be to keep us in line and on track. We would be judged on the strength and endurance with which we handled our trials on our own. The trials were sent by God, the "Taskmaster", to test us in our prideful strength.   That was really the essence of faith, to avoid the vengeance of God and prove our worth to Him in a rather unhealthy way. There was never any mention of the love of God. That didn't enter in to the "lesson".   It was terribly out of balance....I look back now and see that my dad was using spiritual exercises meant for adults on children! (I don't even know if they use those for adults anymore!) I know he meant well. He wanted to raise tough, self sufficient children with strong wills and that he did. There was just one thing lacking....unconditional love and mercy.
The bottom line is that what was intended for good created the fruit of sinful pride, sinful self-sufficiency and control and a very unhealthy fear of God. We were taught to literally fear God. We were not taught the true meaning of "Fear of the Lord" which is to be in "awe" of His power, His love, His providence, His mercy which would inspire us to love and trust in Him. What many people are living in today is causing them to avoid God and fear punishment. They are living in shame over their apparent failures and inability to be good enough to be considered worthy. They are consoling themselves in their suffering and trials and even failing at that. Suffering, which is supposed to draw us closer to God and His love, is driving them away in shame and fear. People are trying to handle their purifications alone and being led into darkness and despair due to false beliefs and a gross misunderstanding of God.

It is so sad that many people live with this belief. It is sad because when suffering does come, which it always does, it is so much more painful than need be. This is why we fear. I lived in fear of something "bad" happening my entire life. I built my life precisely to avoid and keep at bay the "bad" things. Given the above mode of thinking, I knew if something bad should make its way through, I would have to handle it on my own. Especially if the bad thing was due to a bad decision or mistake on my part. God was watching, but He wasn't there to help. He was "over there". I have to laugh now at some advice I received from my brother years ago. I was cutting his hair and expressing all of my concerns, my stress. My husband worked out of town, so taking care of the kids must have been wearing on me. Neither my brother nor I were going to church at the time. His answer when I was all done venting was "you need to start drinking."

Under these circumstances, who wouldn't be afraid every day? Who wouldn't be tempted to start drinking? Who can be expected to carry every cross on their own? Jesus didn't even carry the cross by himself. Why were we led to believe we had to? I have no idea. What I do know now is that it was wrong. It bred a huge population of shame and fear based Catholics/Christians who saw no need for faith or the Church. It created the opposite of the intended effect.

It was my mother getting cancer when I was 31 years old that brought me back to the Church. I had been away for 10 years. Fr. Benedict Groeschel calls this "the awakening" in his book Spiritual Passages:

"Except for those who have always lived a devout life in highly religious circumstances, most people undergo an awakening, i.e., one or a series of memorable experiences of the reality of the intangible. The experience may be consoling or threatening, or both. It often occurs in circumstances which appear commonplace: a meeting with a stranger, a wedding, a funeral, a visit to a church or hospital, or to the sea. Aspects of reality which have not been seen previously now leap into prominence. It may be a very intimate awareness of the Father or the Son or the Holy Spirit as a personal presence, or it may be a sudden, frightening encounter with the self. The awakening is also often an experience of light and darkness, of conflict and contrast. One is pulled in both directions, lifted up and cast down."

My mothers illness was full of the miraculous. God, Jesus, the Blessed Mother were present to us in an unbelievable way! Up to that point, I had no idea God acted directly in our lives in such a personal and loving way. It was the beginning of my conversion.

I began to practice my faith, prayed the Rosary daily, taught Religious Ed at my parish, joined the healing ministry due to all the miracles I witnessed in my mom's illness...I thought things were going fine. I have no doubt that Heaven was rejoicing over one repentant sinner. What I didn't realize, or even really care about to be honest, was that God loved me so much that He desired wholeness and healing for me.....things I didn't even realize I needed. Apparently, it was time to take the next step in this journey.

The one sided relationship we had, servant/master, wasn't enough for Him. He wanted me to trust Him, not just try to control and please Him with my prayers to keep the "bad" stuff at bay and do as I was told to prove my worth. There's a big difference. He didn't want our relationship to be rooted in fear, shame, and immaturity. I suppose there could have been a softer, more gentle way of getting His point across, but He knows me too well.... I required a complete undoing and rework. All of my training in self sufficiency and control were tough nuts to crack. My weakness was fear. Fear is usually seen as a weakness, but in the spiritual life, it is a very powerful negative spirit.   I understand He did love me unconditionally, even with my sin, fear, shame, control and self sufficiency... but God isn't a "it's good enough" sort of Father. He knew there was something better, the true child of God that He had created...lurking under the surface with no idea how to come out.

What Father doesn't want the best for his children? So that is when my purification experience started...what Fr. Groeschel coined as "the first darkness." It felt an awful lot like punishment.

Both are Equally Effective in Squeezing the Juice from the Pulp

2009-11-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

You see and read so much about the crosses and trials people are enduring right now. No matter where you look, there is suffering in some way. It has touched every family. The rain is definitely falling on the good and bad alike. As many of you know, it isn't that we weren't warned that purification was coming. Maybe it's so difficult because we didn't feel we needed it.

I used the title "In the Wine Press" because that is what being purified feels like. In my case, and what I have observed in others, it is when you suddenly find your life falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it or fix it. The "falling apart" can entail many things, but generally it is the removal of all earthly security. Everything you thought made you secure; money, savings, IRA's, 401K's, health, jobs, homes, marriages and children are suddenly insecure. They may even disappear completely and you find yourself standing there with your bare essentials. Your world as you know it is turned upside down. All of your best laid plans for your security are now meaningless and your future appears uncertain. Everything is out of control.

In the old days, the grapes were thrown on the floor of the wine press and people would stomp on them to separate the juice from the pulp. When you're in the wine press, you're the one on the floor. There are days when it feels God is the one stomping. You begin to question your sanity, you question your faith, or what you thought was your faith. It can make people do very foolish things if they don't know why this is happening to them and they have no understanding support. It can be a painfully lonely time. Not everybody is comfortable airing their misfortunes, especially when everyone you know appears to be healthy and prosperous. It is best if you can find someone who has been through suffering and can relate to your pain and lead you through it.   It can create more stress and pain to share your trials with someone who cannot support you. Best to find someone who can simply listen and be a light in the darkness.

This is also the opportune time for the devil to move in and begin to lead you on the path to despair. Although your heart may not be in it, stick to prayer or establish a prayer time, even to just read a Psalm that speaks to you. Ask those you know to pray for you. It is a great and necessary support.

Most people who follow Christ believe that if they are living out the Commandments, practicing their faith by going to Mass regularly, praying the Rosary, practicing the Spiritual and Corporal works of mercy, going to Confession, raising their children properly, tithing, avoiding sin....that these should make for a fairly comfortable journey. Not so. In the Old Testament, God did reward the righteous. Take Job for instance. Job was extremely blessed with health, wealth, business, children and it was attributed to his belief in God and following the Law. The Old Testament is replete with stories of God rewarding the just, usually with temporal favors. The opposite is also true....for there were those who suffered God's wrath for injustice. This is where the belief in reward/punishment began.   It appears God established this system in order to attract his children. If you were observing Job from a distance, you would see his wealth, his family, his faith and desire it. It was something tangible that people could aspire to and thereby lead them to God. It was concrete; worship God, do good, receive your reward. Many denominations of this day still teach this belief.

When Christ came, this system became obsolete so to speak. Christ was humble and poor. The son of a carpenter. He never promised riches, He promised the cross for salvation. He proclaimed poverty, humility and simplicity. He taught that our reward would be in Heaven, not on earth. He taught that we were not to seek riches. That it would be very difficult for the rich to enter heaven. This teaching of Christ's is often overlooked in our society today. Poverty and humility are scorned. Wealth and pride are exalted.

I believe God purifies us because He loves us. When my family was in the thick of it, it didn't feel like love at all. Not the love we are accustomed to. In the worst of it, the days were truly dark and discouraging, God seemed distant and punishing, sometimes cruel. So many emotions were roaring like angry lions. It was frightening, humiliating, discouraging and it tested every area of our lives; spiritual, emotional and physical. There was no running from it, there was no way to console yourself. The things we were used to and had used in the past to cope with stress were gone. God truly did strip us bare...no safety nets to fall into, no security to fall back on, no distractions. It was definitely a make or break time.

I was given the following passage before our purification began in earnest. I read it, but had no idea what it really meant.

Sirach 2:1-18

My son, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity. Cling to him, forsake him not; thus will your future be great. Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient; For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation. Trust God and he will help you;make straight your ways and hope in him. You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy, turn not away lest you fall. You who fear the Lord, trust him, and your reward will not be lost. You who fear the Lord, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy. Study the generations long past and understand; has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his fear and been forsaken? has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed? Compassionate and merciful is the Lord; he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble. Woe to craven hearts and drooping hands, to the sinner who treads a double path! Woe to the faint of heart who trust not, who therefore will have no shelter! Woe to you who have lost hope! what will you do at the visitation of the Lord? Those who fear the Lord disobey not his words; those who love him keep his ways. Those who fear the Lord seek to please him, those who love him are filled with his law. Those who fear the Lord prepare their hearts and humble themselves before him. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord and not into the hands of men, For equal to his majesty is the mercy that he shows.

The footnotes: Serving God is not without its trials;moreover, it must be done with sincerity, steadfastness and fidelity. Misfortune and humiliation merely purify man and prove his worth. Patience and unwavering trust in God are always rewarded with the benefits of God's mercy and of lasting joy.
A warning to those who compromise their religion in time of affliction; they fail in courage and trust and therefore have no security. But those who fear the Lord through obedience, reverence, love and humility find his mercy equal to his majesty.

I was inspired in prayer to start this blog so that those of you who find yourselves in the press will know that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and that although your situation may appear hopeless, God is in control. He has a plan, and His love for you is unconditional. You may know this in your head, but your circumstances may be telling you otherwise.

I didn't know these things when our "purification" started, which I must admit took me by surprise even though I apparently had a "heads up". I was in control, I had a plan, and God's love was not an issue. I made my offerings of prayer daily, I was caring for the sick, things were going well and I took that as His approval. The servant/master relationship was working for me. I was following all the rules. Being purified like gold in the fire and crushing misfortune were not in my plan for myself or my family.

This "purification" God begins in your life is very hard work. For some reason, we are led to believe that it's not actually "work" to develop a healthy relationship with God or to be a true disciple. It should be something that just happens, maybe in Church for an hour on Sunday, a give so to speak if we believe in God. It's definitely not for the faint of heart! If you are faint, well then when it's through you will have been made strong. If you think you are strong, well then you will find out that you are really quite weak! Hence the title of this post "Both are equally effective in squeezing the juice from the pulp".

Fear dominates when everything starts falling apart. I confess, I had a craven (cowardly) heart and drooping hands. In my case, it began when I was little and things fell apart alot. That's also where I picked up my knack for control and self sufficiency. There's nothing wrong with a good healthy fear, a holy fear. That's not what I'm talking about here. The fear I'm talking about that I lived with is a dark, unholy, gut wrenching, paralyzing fear. My prayers were even draped in a cloak of fear. Fear weakens you. There was very little joy, very little hope. Fear has a way of dousing those flames. I would wake up with a pit of fear in my stomach actually afraid of the day and what it would bring and dreading it. Prayers were really more pleadings to make God act and put out this fire! It all appeared to be a mistake! It seemed the more stressed and fearful I became because of the control I was losing, the more God piled on to scare me...that's how I perceived it anyways. I told God often that if the point of all this was to kill me, rather than just slowly scaring me to death I would just run out in the road in front of the first available truck and get it over with. It's amazing how little we understand and know God. God our Father. I can laugh now, but it was NOT funny then. I began to see what He was trying to do. I also began to understand the above passage from Sirach. I really wasn't any of those things....I definitely was not undisturbed in time of adversity, quite the opposite. I couldn't accept crushing misfortune and be patient, I obviously wasn't worthy because I balked at humiliation, I was finding out I had a huge craven heart and very droopy hands, and I was comfortable treading a double path. I was faint of heart because I really lacked trust in God and I was losing my shelter. I believed in God, but I did not trust Him. I say "I" even though this affected my whole family. I don't speak for my husband, only to say that he was suffering also but handled the stress in a different way. We weren't what you would call "united" in our faith, or much of anything for that matter, when all this began.

What's the old saying, "the poison is the cure".

"Dear Child, you suffer so from fear and stress. I will allow more so that it will become so horrible for you to live in it, you will DESIRE to be free of it and trust Me."

That's exactly what happened. I had become physically sick from fear...ulcer, gallbladder attacks, fatigue, body aches...the walking dead. It was very difficult to work, be a good wife and mother, and be available for others' needs with this burden of fear and the sickness it was causing. Fear had become my focus. I was taking Prilosec with Pepcid shooters. I finally decided that nothing in THIS world was worth feeling like this every day. The fear and shame of losing the life I created because I couldn't save it was crushing me. The verse came to mind from Matthew 6:25:

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

This was no "life" that I was living. I thought it was...it took me 25 years to build! I was finally willing to lose my life for the sake of God, so that I could find it. It has been a journey, and definitely not the way I would have done it had God allowed me to stay in control, but God knows best I have learned. He very often does not give us what we want, He gives us what we need. I "needed" to lose the life I had made for us so that we could live the life He had planned for us. I needed to lose the "craven" heart and be made strong. I needed to learn patience and trust in Him in misfortune. I needed to learn how to suffer humiliation in a healthy way. I discovered that emotional health is very important to spiritual health. So, God was really showing me when I received the above verses that it was what He was going to do in me, not what He expected of me. I very often received the words "you can't put new wine in old wineskins" but wasn't sure how it pertained to me....it meant that the old wineskin of fear and lack of trust had to go. It wasn't strong enough to hold real faith.

If you are living with fear right now for whatever reason...job loss, foreclosure, bill collectors, sickness...any threat to your security, know that it is Divine Love that casts out all fear. Do not give up praying, even in your fear, doubt and darkness. Know that God is purifying many of us in the fire even though you feel completely alone. Pray for the grace of Divine Love. God will surely give you that if you ask. You may not feel it now, or believe it yet, but there really is nothing "secure" in this life. All things really are passing. Our only security is in God and that is what He is trying to show you. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

For today, make a radical act of your will to believe God in spite of what is threatening you, in spite of the fire you are in, with no regard to your emotions....He will not leave you orphaned!